Posted by brilokuloj on May 10, 2024
I had initially passed up Cavern of Dreams the first time it went on sale – I just couldn’t make up my mind on if I wanted it or not. I mean, it looked good, but it also looked cute, and I unfortunately get tired quite quickly of cute things with no depth.
As you might have guessed, that was such a mistake, folks. Cavern of Dreams, a modern mascot platformer in the style of Rareware’s best, outshines its inspirations with simultaneous kindness and depth I haven’t seen since Klonoa.
The most unfortunate thing about this game is that absolutely nothing in its promotional material reveals its contents, which are actually about the complications of fostering abused children. Like, that sounds crazy for the cute little red dragon game, right? I’ve spent the past week telling my friends about it, and I can still tell they don’t 100% believe me, and I have no idea how to get this out of my system short of a full dissertation. So please! Join me on a journey through this wonderful game and its dark secrets.
Warning: This article covers the entire plot from beginning to end. But I guarantee that even if you do read this, playing the game will still be a unique and wonderful experience that can’t compare to reading it on a page.
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Posted by brilokuloj on May 7, 2024
It’s finally come, folks! The era of Panera Bread Charged Lemonade is finally over!
Yes, somehow, the monster has been slain. No longer shall people have to warn each other to Beware of Charged Lemonades; it finally will retire to the beastly Tartarus of poorly-thought-out drinks, alongside its #Cancelled buddies Four Loko and Orbitz.
In case you are blissfully unaware, Panera Bread came out two years ago with their Charged Lemonade, a highly-caffeinated energy drink boasting a holy-fucking-shit 390 milligrams of caffeine… and then they added it to their free refills loyalty program. With that in mind, it will likely come as no surprise that it has killed two people and left two others with permanent heart conditions (yes, another incident happened since the last time I wrote about it).
Not everyone is taking the news with relief; Panera’s subreddit is full of the exact kind of “think of the customers” hand-wringing you could imagine, some users going as far as to compare it to 9/11. Super cool comparison to make for the removal of The Lemonade That Kills You!
If you’re one of the suffering victims of this tragic event, I’ve made you a copycat recipe:
- Prepare 1 tall drink of Country Time lemonade mix
- Crush 4 100mg caffeine pills; pour and stir 390mg into drink, blow the last 10mg into the wind for the faeries
- Drink as fast as possible
- Die
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Posted by starsystemerror on May 6, 2024
So, that last one was so bad that I actually had to take a few days off of The Hunt out of exhaustion. I didn’t feel like actually picking a game to play to get back into it, so I just chose the first one I saw in The Hunt hub world.
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Posted by palabomeno on May 6, 2024
We are starting to really hate tie in chip flavors by now. We know that they’re nothing new, not even when they started becoming the primary way the Frito-Lay company develops new flavors. But we would prefer it if some of the tie-ins made sense. Sure, this is a great way to try out weird and possibly unpleasant chip flavors! We loved Wasabi and Soy Sauce! Some of those Tastes of America chips were pretty good! But in what universe do you think of potato chips and IHOP in the same thought?
Well, it’s this universe.
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Posted by brilokuloj on Apr 27, 2024
Over the past few weeks I experienced a depressive episode and racked up to 327 open tabs! You know what that means - TIME TO CLEAN MY TABS!
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Posted by starsystemerror on Apr 27, 2024
It snowed so hard that I couldn’t make it to work today, so that means more time for horrible Roblox games. I entered the hub for the event and picked the first game I hadn’t tried. That game happened to be Muscle Legends. The goal of this game seems to be to gain strength by lifting weights, as with all these bodybuilding-type games which are apparently a thing on Roblox.
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