Olive Your C

Posted by brilokuloj on Apr 16, 2026

Have you olived your C recently? It’s good for you, I’ve heard!

I had been working on this article for a while and I hadn’t gotten very far in it for weeks. I suppose because everything about writing this topic is dreadful. I generally feel a passion for weird Internet preservation – this has tested my ideology. Are some things worth being forgotten?

Maybe. But it also bothers me that when I reference the “Olive Your C” guy, nobody knows what I’m talking about.

Yes, this is another article about a really nasty person who hates women.

A 3D rendering of a woman extolling the virtues of using olive oil on your clitoris.

The first time I encountered dr Halat’s work must have been this post from 2014 on the Tumblr blog Fruits of the Web. This goddamn post is burned into my brain. I’ve always had a fondness for maximalist typography, especially the frantic rambling of the mentally ill (a group that I am a member of). My creative writing – when I was less afraid of sharing it – was frequently criticized for being impossible to follow, with meandering tangents. I surround myself with things that feel familiar.

dr Halat’s work is artistically striking. You may laugh but I am not afraid to say it! His bold usage of 3D models of vacant-eyed women transmitting messages as loudly as possible just seems to poke something in my brain. I can’t imagine myself forgetting Olive Your C, even if I couldn’t recreate a single detail of it if you asked me to.

Zbigniew Hałat, born in 1950 Poland, lived a prolific life of art and social activism. No matter how you look at it, he was creative. Unfortunately, this creativity extends to his biography: I couldn’t find a single reputable source that described his life history before he ended up on the internet peddling olive oil and wooden sticks.

The story we’re given directly from him is that in the 1970s, he worked in Africa (where? lol) combating local diseases. He then returned to Poland and dedicated himself to AIDS prevention. With that said, I have found nothing about him published before 2000 - not that I think it doesn’t exist, but the language barrier is just a little too steep and I don’t think I can hyperfixate hard enough to learn Polish. Sorry. I did what I could!

I would keep copy-and-pasting Hałat if I had to, but he primarily calls himself “dr Halat” online, which I am sticking to because I do find it funny. I have found at least one source asserting that dr Halat does not have the legal right to call himself a doctor, a title that appears to be regulated in Poland. I will note that the name “dr Halat” (as opposed to Dr.) is grammatically correct in Polish, but in English it reads more like a username, which I find apt.

While we’re at it, here are some of the titles he claimed:

A lot of publicly-viewable discussion of dr Halat is primarily held on the social media website Wykop. I had never heard of Wykop before, and its existence fascinates me - it’s a Digg clone that long outlived Digg and seems to have formed its own culture. It’s not that far off from modern Reddit: I found the same mixture of lukewarm political arguments, the people who thought dr Halat was a misunderstood genius versus the people who resorted to calling him names.

Dr Halat was frequently associated with his appearances on Radio Maryja, a conservative religious radio station. Of note here is that the mascot of Radio Maryja is, of course, the Virgin Mary. This wasn’t his only haunt, though, and the average poster on Wykop would identify him as a TV personality first and foremost.

I, personally, associate him with his dozens of incoherent webpages.

Dr Halat’s Websites

A collage of images from Halat's various websites. There is a lot of medical quackery and also a hand holding a bat.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of dr Halat’s many, many projects:

And then there’s Virginology.

Virginology

A collage about virginity and masturbation. There are some 3D models that look like they might come from Second Life.

This is where it’s clear all of dr Halat’s free time and energy went into. The previous sites were lengthy, but this one is expansive.

Let me preface this with a warning of sorts: this website has a lot of photos of vulvas. It is, therefore, quite NSFW. Moreover, if you find any discussion of it online you’re going to run into people talking about how gross they think it is. I’m not going to do that because I think we could all afford to grow up a little. You don’t need to feel bad: the hymen can be surprising to see because it’s not really a part of your body that you can look at, and any body part is gonna look a bit rough if you’re photographing it up-close in stellar Wikimedia quality. But it is worth challenging yourself a bit. I just don’t think this is the environment to do so. Anyway.

The Virginology website bears a distant resemblence in layout and presentation to sexual education websites of the 2000s, though the thought of any child or teenager mistaking this for education makes me feel ill. The actual contents of this site are more akin to Time Cube: walls upon walls of incoherent, barely-informative text on dr Halat’s theories.

One of the ideas the website speaks of is “virginity fraud”, the thought that women are frequently faking being virgins in order to avoid being dumped by their virginity-obsessed boyfriends. First of all, what the fuck? Then there is an entire page about how statutory rape is bad, which rings a little hollow coming from this guy for many reasons. It seems like his primary and only concern is for men to be owed an intact hymen - which, again, he identifies based on a rare congenital variation.

The page “Control of Sexuality” details his belief that people can keep their virginity if they’d just try harder. I guess. He spends most of the page saying that dogs in various historical paintings actually represent lust. This is also where he introduces his four reoccurring Characters: the Innocent Man, the Pure Woman, the Prudent Man, and the Virgin Woman.

Astoundingly, dr Halat proves once again that a broken clock can be right twice a day with this description of the ramifications of prudishness in our culture:

The prude, prudish view of sexuality:

He then almost immediately loses the plot:

And then he says that the Roman Catholic Church is not prudish.

The whole website is like this. There are moments of lucidity (e.g. the Internet is a platform that can be used for child abuse) that slip into unintelligible paragraphs about Christianity. And I tried, I really did try, but the presentation in itself is nauseating and much of it is frequently repetitive or seemingly random.

At least there’s enough graphics to catch my attention! If there’s anything dr Halat liked, it was charts, and Virginology does not shy away from using them. On the page for masturbation is a chart about masturbation frequency in men and women.

This chart. I have to talk about this chart because it might be one of the worst I have ever seen. It uses studies five years apart (1948 and 1953) that suggest up to 5% of girls are masturbating at the age of 5. We can split hairs about that but it then has no data from boys before the age of 8 and they don’t break 5% until they’re 11. Then boys go from 5% at 8 to 80% at 14, which only goes up from there, whereas supposedly 50% of women in their 20s do not masturbate. Then, on the same graph, we have a study from 2010 that has no data before the age of 14. On top of it all, the earlier studies are attributed to Kinsey et al, even though dr Halat has another page detailing extensively how he felt that Kinsey’s research was fraudulent.

Speaking of graphics, dr Halat loved, I mean just absolutely adored taking photos of young girls. I couldn’t find an easy place to bring it up in this article because it’s distinctly unfunny compared to everything else he’s done on this site, but his photography was a major part of his “legacy” and it would be irresponsible for me to not bring it up. I’ll talk about it a little more later. I won’t be sharing any of these photos, for hopefully obvious reasons.

Dr Halat also takes an intersial on the masturbation page to talk about how he thinks that “fingering” shouldn’t refer to digit penetration, only external rubbing. His direct reasoning is because you finger the strings of a guitar. Then there is a long, long section about taking care of smegma. This is fine and might be one of the few things on this website I could construe as helpful. That’s why he uses this to plug not only his olive oil website but also his Water Institute. Is everything this guy does just in the interest of his hymen fixation?

Another memorable Virginology feature is the MJYSEX Questionnaire, a quiz with 271 questions and no way to fill them out or see your results. It seems like this page might have been published unfinished? All of the questions are written assuming the sex-haver is a woman, and you can score them on a scale from “gross” to “great”.

Virginology also hosts the 12 Reasons to remain a virgin until marriage, which I will summarize for you:

  1. Don’t listen to God deniers
  2. Take STD tests
  3. Prevent cervical cancer
  4. Just know not to get raped
  5. Catholics exchange vows when they get married
  6. Don’t let a guy hug you unless you trust him because getting hugged can activate neurochemicals that could lead to you getting raped
  7. God loves you
  8. Virgin men are amazing
  9. Once a year, during the second week of September, tens of thousands of virgins travel to the Zulu nation’s royal residence at KwaNyokeni Palace in Nongoma to take part in the Royal Reed Dance festival
  10. Virgin is a person who has never had sexual intercourse
  11. Being raped makes you a slut
  12. If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?
  13. Knowledge is power

Again: those are the 12 Reasons to remain a virgin until marriage.

I have a headache.

And then there’s Olive Your C.

Olive Your C

A collage about how you should olive your C with fresh olive oil.

What does it mean to olive your C?

Virginity until marriage is the source of world’s harmony and should be supported together with God’s gift which extra virgin olive oil constitutes.

Olive Your C.

What does C stand for? Here is a list of all of the things Halat thinks that you should put olive oil on:

So, to be clear, this guy wants you to use olive oil for your masturbating - you know, the masturbating that you should be doing instead of having sex before marriage. But why? The answer is simple: because it’s “extra virgin”. Dr Halat proposes that the olive oil industry also has a problem with “virginity fraud”, which… is true, I guess, but equating this to the hymen is just amazing.

Dr Halat also provides a helpful chart, which you can use to figure out what the EVOO in your adulterated oil really stands for:

Olive your C.

Dr Halat’s Descent

I’m sure you can already see at a glance that this guy was a real piece of work. All of the stuff I’ve just listed were projects he worked on in the 2010s and did not get much exposure.

Things took a turn, as they tend to, in 2020. Our humble dr Halat at least has the excuse that he was already concerned with viral diseases and epidemics, but that experience hadn’t made him any smarter. In April, he was already saying that the World Health Organization promotes “genderism” and serves communists. (God, I wish.) In December, he took to Radio Wnet to share his belief that the COVID-19 vaccine would be better described as “experimental gene therapy”. You see where this is going.

In mid-2021, dr Halat’s words featured prominently on billboards decrying vaccination. These billboards were not officially bought by him; they were fundraised for by Sebastian Śmietana through zrzutka.pl, a popular GoFundMe-type website. Allegedly, zrzutka.pl had banned Śmietana’s fundraisers several times, but they continued regardless.

Dr Halat then appeared on online television service PL1.TV claiming that there was graphene oxide in COVID-19 vaccines. This is part of his belief in the greater 5G conspiracy - allegedly, graphene would allow us to be magnetized and remotely controlled. By September, dr Halat became one of the founders of Polska Jest Jedna, an alt-right political party in Poland. Man, this is all sounding really familiar.

This is sort of an aside, but it’s maddening: Polska Jest Jedna, among its many human rights violations, also claims to advocate for the rights of the disabled. This lead me to learn that in Poland, disability is defined legally as “permanent or temporary inability to fulfill social roles” - nothing to be said for the actual disabilities, such as being unable to climb stairs or walk in crowds. No, it’s just a sticker they put on your forehead to say that you failed at being a normal person. I guess that’s no different from America, but it’s wild that they just come out and say it like that.

While I’m talking about depressing topics - as if all of this wasn’t soul-crushing enough - I might as well get back onto talking about dr Halat’s photos of little girls, because it finally came to light in the 2020s. Dr Halat has had a long and storied history of taking and publishing photographs of girls off of the street, oftentimes without their knowledge (a practice also called “creepshots”). It wasn’t until he took the spotlight with his claims about COVID-19 that news outlets finally started pointing out his many, many illicit photographs, at which point he took down the entire Virginology site and replaced it with a wall of text about how COVID-19 is manufactured by the Nazis.

Enough derailing. Okay, here it comes. Are you ready?

On April 17, 2022, Zbigniew Hałat died. This is where things get murky: nobody knows why he died. His family has not come forth, not that I think we are entitled to this information, but the problem arises that there were born two leading theories - the right wing saying that he was murdered by the government, leftists saying that he died of COVID-19 - so I do think his family could at least, like… narrow it down, even a little bit, especially with the amount of misinformation his death has caused.

Until writing this article, I genuinely thought he had died from the virus. I don’t remember where I first read this idea, but it’s not that hard to find it being propagated on any social media where he’s mentioned. And I don’t want to say he died of COVID-19 just because it benefits my viewpoint. Still, the problem is that there is zero information. He died at the age of 72, which isn’t even worryingly early. So we could have gotten an easy “died of old age”, but instead we got nothing. Which, let’s be real, it really, really makes it sound like he died from COVID-19.

All of this lives in the apartment of my brain, never paying rent but always showing up in the living room whenever I see olive oil in the grocery store. Olive your C.

Categories: food

Tagged: conspiracy covid