Cleaning My Tabs #3

Posted by brilokuloj on May 25, 2024

I managed to catch myself at 275 tabs. Still way too many, but at least I didn’t get to 400. Time to clean my tabs!

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Roblox - The Hunt, Part 7

Posted by starsystemerror on May 25, 2024

I went a few days without playing, since I kinda lost steam for this whole Hunt thing. I definitely didn’t plan on finishing, and I actually played more games than I expected to. Today (and tomorrow morning, but I have work) is the last day of The Hunt, so I figured I’d try the last few games I actually wanted to try before it’s over.

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The enduring campfire tales of the Sonic fandom

Posted by brilokuloj on May 16, 2024

I’ve been a fan of the Sonic the Hedgehog series for longer than I can remember. As far as I’m concerned, I might as well have been born clutching a copy of Sonic’s Schoolhouse.

That puts my engagement with the Sonic franchise roughly in the second half of the 90s; early enough to have opinions on the decline of the franchise, for sure, but just too late to have been around for the golden era of the games. (Honestly, as far as the true die-hard Sonic fans are concerned, the very first Sonic game was the only good one.)

This also makes me the exact right age to be utterly baffled by the popularity of Sonic.exe, the fandom’s beloved creepypasta since 2011.

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Willy Wonka and the Coin Pusher Madness

Posted by brilokuloj on May 13, 2024

A couple days ago, my wife became enraptured by the existence of “gamblecore”, an aesthetic (perhaps a joke one? I’m too old, I can’t tell anymore) that seems to be trying to recreate the feeling of modern digital gambling machines – the lights, the coins, the stupid jingles. It’s really, really funny. It did get us talking about gambling, though.

My opinion on gambling is that every time I go to the mall, the closest entrance to the stores I frequent goes through the arcade. Every time I want to go to the mall for an overpriced pretzel, or overpriced hand creams on slightly less overpriced sales, I have to walk past the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory machine. It is one of those fucking coin pusher games. It plays music from the movie, constantly. It is a nightmare beyond my wildest comprehensions.

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The dark backstory of Cavern of Dreams

Posted by brilokuloj on May 10, 2024

I had initially passed up Cavern of Dreams the first time it went on sale – I just couldn’t make up my mind on if I wanted it or not. I mean, it looked good, but it also looked cute, and I unfortunately get tired quite quickly of cute things with no depth.

As you might have guessed, that was such a mistake, folks. Cavern of Dreams, a modern mascot platformer in the style of Rareware’s best, outshines its inspirations with simultaneous kindness and depth I haven’t seen since Klonoa.

The most unfortunate thing about this game is that absolutely nothing in its promotional material reveals its contents, which are actually about the complications of fostering abused children. Like, that sounds crazy for the cute little red dragon game, right? I’ve spent the past week telling my friends about it, and I can still tell they don’t 100% believe me, and I have no idea how to get this out of my system short of a full dissertation. So please! Join me on a journey through this wonderful game and its dark secrets.

Warning: This article covers the entire plot from beginning to end. But I guarantee that even if you do read this, playing the game will still be a unique and wonderful experience that can’t compare to reading it on a page.

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Panera Bread’s Deadly Lemonade will kill no more

Posted by brilokuloj on May 7, 2024

It’s finally come, folks! The era of Panera Bread Charged Lemonade is finally over!

Yes, somehow, the monster has been slain. No longer shall people have to warn each other to Beware of Charged Lemonades; it finally will retire to the beastly Tartarus of poorly-thought-out drinks, alongside its #Cancelled buddies Four Loko and Orbitz.

In case you are blissfully unaware, Panera Bread came out two years ago with their Charged Lemonade, a highly-caffeinated energy drink boasting a holy-fucking-shit 390 milligrams of caffeine… and then they added it to their free refills loyalty program. With that in mind, it will likely come as no surprise that it has killed two people and left two others with permanent heart conditions (yes, another incident happened since the last time I wrote about it).

Not everyone is taking the news with relief; Panera’s subreddit is full of the exact kind of “think of the customers” hand-wringing you could imagine, some users going as far as to compare it to 9/11. Super cool comparison to make for the removal of The Lemonade That Kills You!

If you’re one of the suffering victims of this tragic event, I’ve made you a copycat recipe:

  1. Prepare 1 tall drink of Country Time lemonade mix
  2. Crush 4 100mg caffeine pills; pour and stir 390mg into drink, blow the last 10mg into the wind for the faeries
  3. Drink as fast as possible
  4. Die

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