My Tooth Poem
Posted by brilokuloj on Apr 2, 2024
Yesterday, after 5 years of suffering with increasingly chipping and cracked wisdom teeth, I finally got accepted (after a 1 year waiting period!) by an oral surgeon covered by my insurance that agreed to remove my teeth.
For the past few days before this, my anxiety had grown exponentially, and I began to imagine worse and worse scenarios. And that was before I was asked to go off of my anti-anxiety medication in preparation for the operation!
On the drive to the hospital, I finally had enough, and I decided that instead of letting these terrible thoughts swell up in my brain forever – every single time I had a thought, I would write it down. Like casting it into a wishing well that, instead of making the wishes come true, it rather whisks them away to a place that I don’t have to think about them anymore.
And so, I decided that this would be my tooth poem.
Here it is.
- What if they take all of my teeth out?
- What if they take all of my teeth out and replace them with missiles?
- What if the car explodes?
- What if they give me the tooth that gives me dementia and the ability to drive so that I leave the hospital and immediately drive to Arvada?
- Where is Arvada?
- Dry socket.
- Dry socket.
- Dry socket.
- What if I swallow all of my scabs and blood and blood and blood comes out and spurted everywhere?
- What if I die and nobody believes Paula because it’s April Fools and nobody believes Paula?
- I won’t be able to suck anymore.
- I won’t be able to eat donuts ever again.
- What if cars spin really fast.
At this point, I began to fall asleep, because I had woken up at 5 AM on about 5 hours of sleep and the thought of being awake for any longer while being subjected to thoughts of spinning cars was just too much for my feeble little brain. But if you would like a glance into my mind for the past 5 years, imagine this.
Thanks to:
- Paula, for comforting me every night I woke up screaming and begging for the nerve pain to stop
- Lucas, for driving me through downtown Chicago
- Lucas’s family, for giving me an Amazon Fire TV Stick, something I would not have bought with my own money but has been keeping me from wanting to blow my brains out when all I can do is sit on the couch
- My stuffed rabbit Pawnelope, for being on the couch when I’m going through it
- Phage, for telling me what Dentek was (I do not think I would have made it past year 1 of having an exposed hole in my tooth)
- My team of doctors and nurses at UI Health, who were all very kind and patient with me and ready to tell me that I was going to be OK, even when my vasovagal syncope kicked in and I threw up
- The nurse who actually caught on and asked me my preferred name and pronouns, and got the rest of the team to catch up
- That one guy with the x-ray bandanna who couldn’t figure out my gender situation by the end sadly but the LGBT community has forgiven him because he was otherwise nice and that x-ray bandanna was seriously awesome
- Pediatric dentist JoAnn Boraas and her team, for irrevocably traumatizing my child self with verbal abuse, and for keeping creepy-ass smiling animal paintings everywhere that will never ever leave my mind
- My mother, for telling me that I would never be able to find a dentist that wasn’t verbally abusive because “they’re all just like that”, leading to me delaying my dental care until I literally could not function in day-to-day life anymore
Categories: life