GAMING: Hylics

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Hylics is a JRPG-style game made by Mason Lindroth and released on August 29, 2015.

The concept of “hylics” is taken from Greek gnosticism, where it was the basest portion of what made up a living person: their physical body. This was the evil portion of a person, the part of them that demanded to eat, to have sex, to do anything that would keep a person away from perfect spiritual enlightenment. Hylics doesn’t portray itself as an evil game, but it is an intimately physical one where the entire world is molded out of malleable, changeable clay.

After the jump, we’ll sculpt our opinion out.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Frail Shells

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Frail Shells is a first-person shooter made by Taylor Bai-Woo with music by Ryan Roth. It was released November 15, 2014 as part of the 7DFPS Jam, a collaborative game design event dedicated to making a first-person shooter in seven days.

War is hell. War has changed. War never changes. War! What is it good for? There’s a lot to be said about a good war. There is a lot to be said about a bad war, as well.

Since the world has an enormous fascination with watching people kill each other, games about war are just as prominent as real wars. Frail Shells is a game about war, but it’s not like other war games. It’s about a much more personal kind of war.

After the jump, we’ll land boots first into our review.

Note: Frail Shells is a game that’s difficult to talk about without spoiling the twist. The rest of this review contains spoilers.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Dr. Langeskov, the Tiger, and the Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist

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Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger and The Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist is a short whirlwind heist simulator made in Unity and released December 4, 2015 by Crows Crows Crows. In it you play a mysterious cat burglar, whose crime spree has taken them to the fabulous mansion of Dr. Langeskov for one of the greatest heists of the 20th century. Slip past the mansion’s guards, beware of Langeskov’s precious pet tiger, and the emerald may be yours – just watch out for its terrible curse… A truly terrible curse… yeah…

Oh, who are we kidding? We can’t do this. This place is in shambles and we’re not going to waste our time writing a review when we’re not even being paid a living wage. We haven’t gotten paid in two months and they expect us to do a whole review for this game. Well, we’re sick of it. Sick of it. We’re joining the strike. Forget this. You can get someone else to make the jump, you sickos.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Beautiful Frog

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Beautiful Frog is a Twine frog ownership simulator game by Porpentine about frogs! Frogs are beautiful creatures, don’t you think? Do you love frogs so much that it can be hard to think about or talk about or look at pictures of anything else? Beautiful Frog is the perfect game for you!

A frog is a beautiful creature! So noble in its smooth, moist skin like a king’s cloak! So prideful in its gracious hops! So humble in its mournful croak! We love a frog more than almost any other critter in the domain of the Earth! They are so beautiful. In Beautiful Frog, you can raise a sweet frog of your own! Hooray, what a wonderful concept!

We will discover how beautiful this frog game is after the hop!!!!!

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Expat

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Expat is a game released on June 2, 2014 by Blendo Games for the Space Cowboy Game Jam, a collaborative game design event inspired by Cowboy Bebop with the theme of combining both the American and final frontiers.

We’re always excited to play games by Blendo, as they always have a massive amount of charm that we feel represents the best qualities of the independent game market. Expat is no exception, as it’s a game about a real rough-rockin’ hombre out to earn a little extra scratch with one of the oldest professions in the world: knocking troublemakers on their heads and turning them in for cash. Fly across the solar system and make friends, hunt enemies, and get wads of cash or die trying.

After the jump, we’ll blast off after the most valuable bounty of all: a game review.

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RETRO: Microsoft Retires the Zune, Finally

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On November 15, 2015, Microsoft made the decision to finally retire all Zune-related services. This announcement comes long after the decision to retire the Zune hardware itself in October 2011, with the urging for users to transition to Windows Phones.

Maybe our readers might have a more pressing question, though: what the heck is the Zune? You might have heard of it, but it’s just as likely that it flew directly under your radar, being that its popularity peaked nearly a decade ago and it existed solely as an obscure Microsoft-branded counterpart in an already niche market. Like Icarus, Microsoft tried to fly on wings of feathers and wax; unlike Icarus, they simply crashed into the sea.

After the jump, we’ll get into a brief history of the Zune and exactly why it failed as it did.

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NEWS: Psychonauts 2 Confirmed In Development, With Crowdfunding

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If you haven’t played Psychonauts, the magnum opus of Tim Schafer’s Double Fine Studios, please stop reading this article. Instead, go purchase a copy of the game, begin playing it, and do not come back until you have beaten in it in its entirety.

Caught up? Good, because if you finished Psychonauts you’ll be already chomping at the bit for a sequel. We have good news for you: Tim Schafer has confirmed at The Game Awards on December 3, 2015 that Psychonauts 2 is in development.

Once you’re over the shock, we’ll go into detail after the jump.

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FOOD: Dutch Crunch – Bistro Blend

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Old Dutch Foods is a snack manufacturer, primarily known for their brands of potato chips. They only tend to distribute in the northern United States and Canada. Dutch Crunch is Old Dutch’s brand of kettle chips, and our preferred brand of potato chips with an unparalleled Salt & Vinegar flavor.

If you’re eating locally in the Midwest, you’ve probably encountered a plate of Old Dutch branded chips. They’re unmistakeable: they have a fresh potato flavor, are always way too salty. and are soaked in oil that covers your fingertips as you eat.

It sounds kind of awful when you put it like that, but it’s a typical comfort food for the Midwesterner. Whether the chips are tucked into a roast beef and mayo sandwich, used to scoop out Old Dutch-branded french onion dip, or just eaten on their own: it’s a distinctive mark of the region, as you can’t find them anywhere else in the United States of America.

We’ll bring the distinctive flavor of a Midwestern Bistro to the rest of America after the jump.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Crowtel, and Why Forethought is Important

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Crowtel is a platformer-adventure/corvid hotel ownership simulator released November 2, 2015 by Sink. You are a humble crow in charge of an extremely run-down hotel, and a surprise visit from health inspector cats sends you scrambling to clean up the place before you get shut down.

With six floors of hardcore chirp-’em-up platforming action, Crowtel is a throwback to memorable shooter platformers like Cave Story – but can it leap over the platforms of high standards? We’ll find out after the jump.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Animal Inspector

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Animal Inspector is an animal inspection simulator released on November 18, 2015 by Tom Astle. In a world where there are simply too many animals clogging everything up, the Animal Inspection Agency is there to inspect all animals to determine their value. Good animals are approved, and bad animals are… well, rejected.

Inside the world of inspecting animals, we’ll discover office drama, a mysterious secret, and a world where sending animals to their presumed deaths with a rubber stamp is just business as usual.

We’ll give Animal Inspector an inspection of its own. Will it get our approval? Find out after the jump.

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