Introducing the Highly Fungible Token

NFTs are all the rage on the internet right now, with basically every single internet artist there is getting on board. Who can blame them? Like any good investment bubble, the prices are skyrocketing with major brands like Pizza Hut, Pringles, Charmin, Taco Bell, and even musician Aphex Twin joining the fun. There’s no downside, except for the massive amount of electrical power NFTs demand driving us further into global warming and people losing their money for what is basically a hyperlink on a blockchain. It’s time for us to get in on the trend, and make ourselves some money… but we’re not satisfied with mere NFTs.

We here at Eggware.XYZ are proud to introduce the next evolution of NFTs: HFTs. These Highly Fungible Tokens are a revolution in the crypto market due to their simple difference: these tokens are infinitely fungible. Allowing for fully democratized distribution, consistency in value, and easy-to-process validity checking, the HFT system can be implemented in almost any common file format and exchanged between users freely with virtually instantaneous transaction time on any common file exchange system.

Want to get on board? Just download our first official HFT below:

Just right click and hit “Save As”, and you’ve got the HFT on your system. Send it to your friends, and the magic of the Highly Fungible Token begins: your friends receive an identical HFT, while you keep your original one. The value of both the original token and the new token is the same – and this process can be repeated indefinitely. By multiplying the number of HFT tokens, you can have potentially unlimited value growth! And the best part is, you don’t even need a friend to make HFT duplications. Just make multiple copies of the HFT on your own hard drive, and watch the value grow. Make five hundred copies to increase your HFT wallet’s value five hundred times. Or a thousand. Or a million. The only limit is your hard drive space.

We hope you’ll share this new HFT technology with your friends, family, and loved ones across the globe.

102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue | Licensed Landfill

102 Dalmatians was an awful snoozer of a film, so how is the video game based on it so frickin’ fun? This might be one of the best Disney licensed games period. Maybe that’s just because it’s an obvious Spyro ripoff.

Comment with your favorite Disney licensed game for a chance to be featured on our first Viewer Mail article!

Roundup: 2020’s Most Foods

One of the fun little perks you get of being subscribed to us on Patreon is that you get free blog articles weeks in advance! Unfortunately, we blogged a lot last year due to not really having anything else to do, which means we’ve built up a sizable backlog of small articles that aren’t really worth wasting a whole calendar day to publish separately.

This marks the start of our roundup series, where we publicly premiere some of our articles that you may have missed. Please note: if you have not pledged to us on Patreon, these are new articles! Not just a bunch of rehashed content.

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Oopsie! Burger King did a misogyny!

For the sake of my fragile mental health during quarantine, I’ve started exclusively reading Twitter through their Tweetdeck app, which allows me to customize my experience to my enjoyment. I can choose not to see retweets, for one thing, and Tweetdeck doesn’t push people’s ‘likes’ onto my feed. I only use it to network with artists I enjoy, and occasionally retweet the stray meme. My exposure to the woes of the cursed blue website is mercifully minimal. If you want to live like me, I strongly recommend this plan of action: log into Tweetdeck, uninstall the app from your phone, read Ed Zitron’s article on how to enjoy Twitter, and follow all your Twitter mutuals on non-Twitter sites.

It’s because of my strict no-Twitter-angst diet that I managed to miss out on the website’s latest stunningly atrocious fast food PR scandal until just today. So you guys are probably rolling your eyes – gee, look at this chump writing an article 3 days late! But my tardiness is because I take care of myself first, and you should too. If I were to expose myself to every horrible thing going on in the world right now, I would almost certainly instantly take 20d6 poison damage and die.

It’s for these reasons that I sincerely advise not reading this article unless you’re in a good enough place mentally and you really want to see my take on it. I don’t have anything to gain from stressing you out pointlessly, and neither do you, and also I really don’t want to be giving Burger King any more free advertising than they’re already getting right now.

If you feel like you have to know, you don’t. It’s not that funny and it’s absolutely not worth it. Here, I’ll sum it up for you: Burger King said a stupid out-of-context thing about women while they were trying to say something positive, and it was probably on purpose to stir up social media drama. There you go! Now go do something else. Go play some Wobbledogs or whatever the hell it is you like to do these days.

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101 Dalmatians: Escape from DeVil Manor is too scary for puppies | Crunchmaster 98

Lurking deep within the Disney Vault is one of their more bizarre decisions in the gaming industry. Why did they make a survival horror point-and-click game, and why for 101 Dalmatians of all things? Eh, who cares, it’s really fun.

Gex: Enter the Gecko is so FUNNY it’s SCARY

Gex 2 was the perfect nightmare-filled game for us to play during the Halloween season, but we didn’t expect just how emotionally testing it would be.

Crystal Dynamics still owes us a response to our email.

Limited Run’s Chex Quest Chex Warrior Edition was worth the wait

We. Love. Chex Quest. It’s one of the best games of all time. It’s certainly the best Doom game of all time. AND it came with a free box of cereal – you can’t beat that for a bargain! In the classic shooter community, Chex Quest has always had a tiny but dedicated core of fans who have clamored for years for more cereal-based shooter content.

Limited Run is a company of game merchandise makers that, by no small coincidence, caters to small fandoms by making fun feely packs with trinkets and shirts and fun things like that. And wow, they made a CHEX QUEST BOX! Real Chex Quest merch for real Chex Quest fans! It was an instant buy, even if it cost 150 dollars. And so, in April of 2020, we placed our order the second we saw it. It was our little quarantine gift to ourselves. It would be worth it.

And so we waited. And waited. Just like how we were waiting for quarantine to end. 

Our order did not arrive until January of 2021. Nine months later. We know it was a pre-order, we know there was a Dang Pandemic on, but oh man, that’s a long time to wait. We were almost at the point of giving up completely on this ever arriving when we finally got the notification it had shipped. Now it’s here, and has cemented us as Real Chex Quest fans. So why not go over it, and take a look at everything that came in it?

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Taco Bell Fiesta Potato back Taco Bell potato back Return

If you have a heart in your body, the Taco Bell Menu Annihilation still stings you to this day. The Mexican Pizza…. The Breakfast Crunchwrap sausage patty… The Beefy Fritos Burrito… It burns. It hurts our hearts to think about, even now. But – what is that, on the horizon? That sound? The sound of angels? Returning something to us? Fiesta Potatoes are BACK!?

Yes, dear readers, Fiesta Potatoes are coming back this March! We can’t believe it! We’re going insane with rapture and frenzy over here! We LOVE Taco Bell potatoes! We don’t have much else to live for, frankly! This is probably the biggest serotonin high we’ve had in about eight months! Oh my God! Potatoes! Real potatoes! From the dirt! In the Ground! They are from the dirt and they are picked by a farmer who sends them to The Factory and The Factory chops them into FIESTAS and they are sent to OUR Taco Bell who puts them in OUR mouths with SAUCE! Yes! FIESTA POTATOES? YES! That’s right. We are having Fiesta Potato Fiesta Times here and we couldn’t be happier. Potato is back and we happy now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Here’s Taco Bell CEO as a potato:

Thank you. Fiesta Potatoes return March 11th.

101 Dalmatians: Escape from DeVil Manor haunts me to this day

There’s something about the 101 Dalmatians franchise that enraptured me as a child against all odds.

Be outraged if you must, but truth be told, I’m not even sure if I had watched the original movie at that age. When I watched it as an adult, I remembered nothing about it, and I’ve never found a VHS of it in my family’s extensive Disney tape collection.

And I mean, what about it actually drew my attention? The main characters are British heterosexuals. Yes, somehow they managed to take the two most annoying groups of people in the world and combine them. And then they had the audacity to make the dogs British and heterosexual, as if dogs are capable of hate. Absolutely dreadful. Why do I like 101 Dalmatians?

Because of the puppies. Duh.

Even Disney knew the puppies were the only reason 101 Dalmatians is even relevant enough to talk about today. And boy, the merch they made. Sequels! Cartoons! Toys! I think I spent more time playing with my Dalmatians-themed snow globe than watching 101 Dalmatians: The Series (which, admittedly, still takes up way too much space in my heart).

There was one piece of Dalmatians-themed memorabilia that held my attention for the longest, though, and it was by far the least appropriate for the puppy-obsessed children they were marketing to. For little me, 101 Dalmatians: Escape from DeVil Manor was fun, emotionally stimulating, and also absolutely unnecessarily terrifying.

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