Posted on Jun 18, 2020
Frosted Flakes is one of the most popular cereals in the world, and Tony the Tiger has been its solid mascot since the 50s. It’s a bit perplexing why they chose a tall, muscular tiger-man as the mascot for a very simple flakes-style cereal, but you can’t argue with success. Whether or not he’s the person to best represent sugary corn-bits, he is popular, and he’s even popular with a very specific subset of people: furries.
Really, who can blame them? Tony represents a beloved principle of furryness: an attractive anthropomorphic animal-person who is both friendly and approachable. The worship of food mascots has been a long-running tradition of furry fandom, but Tony has held a special place in this world for as long as furries have existed.
If you’ve ever interacted with the furry fandom’s broader-reaching internet presence or especially its more cherished traditions, you can probably already see where this is going.
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Posted on Jun 16, 2020
We hope you’re all still having a great Pride Month! For us, however, it’s been a challenge. With the smash success of our Does Team Fortress 2 Is Gay article, we’ve been hounded with countless, trillions of requests to discern the sexuality of more video game characters. And who are we to say no?
In the interest of bettering society, we’ve decided to answer Which of Classic Shooter Heroes Does The Gay? These heroes of vintage first person shooter games have had people stumped for decades now. Are they straight? Gay? Are they even human? We have the answers. We’ve picked seven of the best first person shooter heroes of the 90s and discerned their exact sexualities with no margin of error. We’ve got this down to a science.
Hit the jump, and let’s find out just whom doing the gay is…
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Posted on Jun 12, 2020
The Five Dollar Footlong is one of the trademarks of Subway restaurants. You probably remember its classic jingle from way back in the day:
If you don’t eat at Subway as often as you used to, it’s probably because they got rid of the Five Dollar Footlong. It hasn’t totally disappeared, however. Subway has brought the promotion back before in an extremely neutered form, only offering five dollar deals on a very limited selection of sandwiches - typically the cheap stuff like Italian BMTs or Cold Cut Combos. Now Subway is considering bringing the promotion back again… to the absolute horror of Subway franchisees.
The North American Association of Subway Franchisees is fighting back against Subway yet again, trying to resist the imposition of cheap submarine sandwiches that would seriously cut into their profits. The Five Dollar Footlong has been extremely unpopular with Subway owners ever since its inception. The price point is simply too low for many Subway owners to sustain, offering only razor thin margins.
How is this battle of sandwich prices going to play out this time? Let’s learn about the Five Dollar Footlong, and why Subway owners fucking hate it.
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Posted on Jun 9, 2020
Happy Pride Month, everybody! In the interest of celebrating LGBT pride, we here at EggwareXYZ want to what we feel we do best: making things gay for completely arbitrary reasons. We’d like to begin Pride off right with a return to one of our favorite articles, Does Super Smash Bros. Gay? We had a lot of fun figuring out who was the gayest character in Super Smash Brothers, and felt like it was time for us to apply that wisdom to another game. But what was in the most need of our expertise? Which game was just crying out for the Gay Treatment?
The answer was obvious. For years, people have been pondering over the question: Does Team Fortress 2 Gay? It has baffled the brightest minds of all gamerdom. Wars have been fought and kingdoms burned to the ground over the sexual orientations of these nine gentlemen. It’s time for us to put an end to it. With out superior gay-detecting ability, we’ve sorted all nine members of the Team Fortress 2 by how gay they are.
So click through the jump, and let’s get this show on the road. For the good of humanity.
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Posted on Jun 4, 2020
There is a secret in the city of Bloomington, Minnesota. It’s not well-kept, but it’s still a secret, and requires you to go out of your way to discover its truth. On a side road, nestled between a tire shop and a roofing business, is the Shantytown Grill. Inside you’ll find delicious hamburgers and cheap beer, hidden away from the rest of the world, known only to people who were willing to poke their head down this little road.
Well, it’s not that secret - it’s been voted as one of the best bars in Bloomington by multiple publications, some going as far to declare it the best in the state. I feel like that’s a vote we can trust. This is Minnesota, after all; only Wisconsin could rival our love of a decent beer in a nice bar where you can get a hot burger to go with it. And there’s little doubt in our mind that Shantytown is one of the best places to do exactly that, even if we here at Eggware.XYZ don’t really drink beer.
So come with us as we initiate you into the dark secret of the suburb of Minneapolis. Once you’re over the glamour of the Mall of America, and you’ve escaped through the trial of the bunches of frickin’ hotels, you’re ready to see the real side of Bloomington. Which is mostly indistinguishable from the other suburbs of Minneapolis. And the roads aren’t as good as Richfield’s. So just hit the jump, and enter the hidden sanctum…
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Posted on Jun 2, 2020
As soon as we saw that Taco Bell was doing a Pineapple Whip Freeze, we got pretty excited. The reason for this was because we had seen at least one person compare it to the Dole Whip, a frozen pineapple confection that’s only available at Disney theme parks. We have craved the Dole Whip for untold years as the epitome of frozen desserts. We even wrote an article about Will wanting a Dole Whip very, very badly. The idea that we could have something even remotely approximating it in our own homes was tantalizing.
But, of course, we are living in the Virus Era and going outside for snacks isn’t the fun expedition it used to be. We had to wait for a good reason to go outside in the first place, and hope to fit in a quick swing around Taco Bell for a good reason. It wasn’t until we had to make a run for groceries that we felt like we could justify our desire to get the freeze. And so, on a crisp spring morning, we grabbed ourselves a quick breakfast at Taco Bell and ordered two Pineapple Whip Freezes with them. Hit the jump and indulge with us in what may be a dream come true…
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