Against all odds, things have managed to get even worse for America in 2023. Prices for everything are going up while wages get cut. Our nation continues to divide against itself. In my most recent trip to the food bank (something I didn’t even need to go to until I moved out), I had to sit in line next to a working-class guy talking very animatedly about how the government was slowly killing us (true), while also taking forks in the conversation to say that he had heard Wal-Mart was putting reproductive sterilizing chemicals in their face masks (WHAT).
That is why I regret to inform you that, in this time of great catastrophe, KFC has had the audacity to re-release the Double Down.
Haven’t we had enough? Isn’t life hard enough? Isn’t America in enough strife, without having to remind us of our deepest shames? No. Now we have to deal with the Double Down, all over again.
Finally, finally, the Original Chicken Restaurant has gotten on board with the times. It’s not like KFC hasn’t done plenty of other chicken sandwiches in its time – remember the donut sandwich? That was nuts – but they’re doing THE Sandwich. The Chick-fil-A ripoff. The Popeyes Sandwich. The southern-style sandwich with pickles and mayo and a whole tiny little chicken breast that everybody and their fucking mother is going apeshit for and putting on the menus for their fast food restaurants now.
So what took you, KFC? You won us back, and it took you this long to get The Sandwich on your menu? We’ve been waiting to write this article since, we got it written down here on our article notes, May 26th of 2020, and only just now you’ve gotten this bad boy out nationwide. What’s up with that? You guys are slipping, or something? I remember the old KFC commercials with the toon Colonel who was making fun of the “Burger Boys” for their inferior sandwiches and bragging about KFC sammies. Now who’s the sandwich dorks, huh? You guys let Popeyes beat you to the punch on this one?
But, come on, it’s KFC. They’ve had enough knocks in their life. They’re the ancient prizefighter with a tremor, rail-thin, insisting they’ve still got one more fight in ‘em. But you know this old dude could still whoop your ass if you pushed him in a corner. Well, KFC seems plenty pushed into a corner to me. Can they keep up with the big dogs now, or do they deserve their space at the bottom?
When we started writing this article, we were going to be very, very harsh on KFC. We were fans of the potato wedges, and upon hearing that they were replacing them with fries, we grew very upset. How could they do this? Potato wedges were one of the cornerstones of the KFC menu. Fries are… Nothing. Generic. Bland. They are everywhere, and potato wedges were a delightful way to separate KFC from the rest of the fast food world.
KFC’s appeal wasn’t that it was just “fast food”. It felt like a meal, a real meal that you eat with your family as a thing. KFC has offered quick service meals for our entire lives, but having the platonic idea of “getting a bucket for dinner” is inseparable from KFC as a concept. The wedges illustrated this. They weren’t french fries like what you’d get at a McDonald’s, they were home-cooked wedges just like what you could cook at home. Total difference.
We felt that KFC getting rid of the wedges was the latest awful move in a series of terrible decisions. KFC has been on a sharp and steep decline since the mid-2000s, and nothing seems to be turning their image around. They rely on tacky gimmicks like the new Colonel commercials and outlandish promotional stunts like VR video games and Crocs that smell like fried chicken, but can’t get past the simple fact that their food is not as good as it used to be and their atmosphere is a dump.
We haven’t properly eaten at KFC in what may be years. Them switching to fries seemed like justification that it was the right decision.
But then we decided we had to give it a chance.
Are you tired of chicken yet? Chicken sandwiches have truly taken over fast food. I mean, how many of the most recent reviews we’ve done have been chicken sandwiches? 2019 was the Year of the Chicken Sandwich and 2020 is the first year truly affected by this paradigm shift. Naturally, those benefiting from this change in America’s tastes are the classic chicken joints. But where has that most classic of chicken chains gone off to? If you know anything about eating fast food, you’ll know KFC has undergone some serious rebranding in the past few years in an attempt to shed its filthy, greasy image. A greater focus on the Colonel as their mascot, a revamp of the recipe, a complete overhaul of their visual image – the works.
But KFC is still Kentucky Fried Chicken, and this is the restaurant that invented the Double Down. KFC wants to clad itself in a new image of cleaner, better food, but still market the occasional high-caloric nightmare to clog up America’s valves. The Chicken & Donuts sandwich is yet another attempt to keep heart disease as the number one killer of people across the country.
Is it even good, or is it just another tacky gimmick? Hit the jump to find out.