QUIZ: Which Stupid Hogwets House Are You?

Welcome To Stupid Hogwets!

Congratulations! You’ve been enrolled in STUPID HOGWETS, the most “prestigious” “school” of “magic” and “learning” in the known multiverse! But before you can attend the classes or even legally step foot on the campus, you’ve got to be sorted! Stupid Hogwets is home to four houses: King St. Bee House, Sparkle House, We’re The Evil Ones House, and Minecraft Dirt House. Which one do you belong to? Fill out the official sorting quiz and find out!

What would you like to do in Minecraft?

Run around and see what I can find.

Build the biggest structures I can.

Fight things.

Dig down as deep as I can go.

What is your favorite monster?

Zombies

Skeletons

Creepers

Man itself!

What is your favorite time of day?

I like the early morning.

I like the afternoon.

I like around sunset.

I like the middle of the night.

What animal would you want to be your fursona?

A dog.

A cat.

A snake.

A bug.

You’re walking in the desert, alone, when you come across a tortoise crawling towards you. You reach down, and flip the tortoise over on its back. It cannot right itself in the sand, and is stuck flailing its legs and baking in the desert sun. You are the only thing that could help it right itself, but you’re not helping. Why is that?

I would never do that.

That’s disgusting.

The tortoise would have died in the desert anyway.

Why was I in the desert again?

After rubbing a mysterious oil lamp, a genie comes out and gives you one wish. What do you wish for?

I wish for a trillion dollars.

I wish to live forever.

I wish to have superpowers.

I wish for more wishes.

What do you think is the most important alignment?

Lawful.

Chaotic.

Good.

Evil.

Are you going to stop lying now?

What?

I haven't been lying.

Okay, I'll stop.

Under no circumstances.

Who is your favorite Mario?

Mario Mario.

Luigi Mario.

Princess Peach Mario.

Yoshi Mario.

Do you wash your hands after using the bathroom?

Yes, of course.

No, never.

Only if someone's in the bathroom with me.

Only if I'm about to eat something.

Have you ever stolen something that wasn’t yours?

Yes.

No.

Yes, but I did end up returning it.

No, but sometimes I'm sorely tempted.

Is it possible for a dog to attain perfect enlightenment?

No, because it has the nature of karmic delusions.

Yes, but it purposely offends.

Your question is grounded in a false premise.

There is no such thing as perfect enlightenment.

If you found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would you do?

Return it as I found it.

Return the wallet, but keep the cash.

Take the wallet for myself, cash and all.

Leave it where it was.

You, a elderly woman, a young man, and King St. Bee are stranded on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean. It’s been days, and all of you are starving. All of you agree the only answer is to eat one of the other members of your crew. Who should be eaten?

The woman should be eaten, because she is the oldest and has lived the longest life.

The man should be eaten, because he would taste the best.

King St. Bee should be eaten, because it's her fault the cruise we were on sank at all.

I would offer myself to be eaten, because I can’t stand being on a boat with King St. Bee much longer.

Which house would you WANT to be in?

Sparkle House.

We're The Evil Ones House.

King St. Bee House.

Minecraft Dirt House.

QUIZ: What Stupid Hogwets House Are You?

Sparkle House

Congratulations! You have been sorted into Sparkle House! Sparkle House members are the prettiest, the smartest, and the most loved Stupid Hogwets members there are - at least, that’s how they think! Sparkle House has a knack the flashy and the ostentatious, so break out your best jewels and get dressing! So welcome to Stupid Hogwets, new student! We’re so excited to have you. Your first class will be figuring out how to free yourself from the lava trap we are about to drop you into! Good luck on this one, students!

We're The Evil Ones House

Congratulations! You have been sorted into We’re The Evil Ones House! Don’t worry, that doesn’t make you a bad person - you’re just misunderstood! While the techniques of Evil House may seem unusual to outsiders, everyone can agree they work. Sure, people will call you cruel, but they won’t be able to argue with the results! So welcome to Stupid Hogwets, new student! We’re so excited to have you. Your first class will be figuring out how to free yourself from the lava trap we are about to drop you into! Good luck on this one, students!

King St. Bee House

Congratulations! You have been sorted into King St. Bee House! Founded when King St. Bee made a generous donation in exchange for having one of the houses named after her, King St. Bee House is known for its courageous, outgoing, and egotistical attitude. A member of King St. Bee House is frequently the smartest person in the room and they will make sure you know! So welcome to Stupid Hogwets, new student! We’re so excited to have you. Your first class will be figuring out how to free yourself from the lava trap we are about to drop you into! Good luck on this one, students!

Minecraft Dirt House

Congratulations! You have been sorted into Minecraft Dirt House! Members of Minecraft Dirt House are down to Earth people - frequently literally! They’re hard workers who love nothing more than getting their hands dirty. You’ll find members of Minecraft Dirt House in the mines most often, digging up the valuable minerals that keep civilization running! So welcome to Stupid Hogwets, new student! We’re so excited to have you. Your first class will be figuring out how to free yourself from the lava trap we are about to drop you into! Good luck on this one, students!