Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a gay game. We’re not going to beat around the bush with that! It’s gay. If you play it, you’re gay. We’re not accepting arguments. Gay people love this game. Gay people love having their little animal friends and building an adorable little house and dressing up in silly costumes.
But the game is missing a quintessential part of being gay: getting married. In June, there’s been a “Wedding Season” event where you can help the alpacas Reese and Cyrus celebrate their anniversary with photographs. But Reese and Cyrus are – shock horror – straight. We can’t abide by this. How dare they put heterosexuals in our fun game! During Pride Month of all months! Disgusting.
So we’ve tried to throw together our own way of handling a potential future Wedding Season. We think we’ve come to a few conclusions that everybody will like, and nobody will hate. Let’s get married!
Fallout: New Vegas is the greatest video game ever made. We’re not willing to entertain arguments on that. Yes, the original two Fallout games were very good, very good indeed, but New Vegas has accessibility on its side that we feel gives it an edge over the originals. It is the true Fallout 3, and we don’t even want to dirty our blog talking about Fallout 4 or 76. FNV is the game of kings and philosophers. People are still arguing to this day what the best ending path is. Can you say that about Fallout 3?
But there’s one thing that makes Fallout: New Vegas stand head and shoulders above the rest of its own series. It’s the first game that allowed you to actually be gay! Fallout 2 was the first game ever produced that allowed you to be gay married, but New Vegas ups the bar by letting you be gay right out the gate. From the moment you first level up, you’ll be offered one of two perks depending on gender: Cherchez la Femme or Confirmed Bachelor.
The main benefit of making your character gay is that they do more damage to enemies of the same sex, for some reason, but the real reward is the sometimes-hilarious dialogue trees that being gay offers. The Fallout series has always been a game with comedy at its heart, and New Vegas isn’t afraid to make being gay hilarious. We’ve composed a list of our top favorite moments that being gay in Fallout: New Vegas provides.
Frosted Flakes is one of the most popular cereals in the world, and Tony the Tiger has been its solid mascot since the 50s. It’s a bit perplexing why they chose a tall, muscular tiger-man as the mascot for a very simple flakes-style cereal, but you can’t argue with success. Whether or not he’s the person to best represent sugary corn-bits, he is popular, and he’s even popular with a very specific subset of people: furries.
Really, who can blame them? Tony represents a beloved principle of furryness: an attractive anthropomorphic animal-person who is both friendly and approachable. The worship of food mascots has been a long-running tradition of furry fandom, but Tony has held a special place in this world for as long as furries have existed.
If you’ve ever interacted with the furry fandom’s broader-reaching internet presence or especially its more cherished traditions, you can probably already see where this is going.
We hope you’re all still having a great Pride Month! For us, however, it’s been a challenge. With the smash success of our Does Team Fortress 2 Is Gay article, we’ve been hounded with countless, trillions of requests to discern the sexuality of more video game characters. And who are we to say no?
In the interest of bettering society, we’ve decided to answer Which of Classic Shooter Heroes Does The Gay? These heroes of vintage first person shooter games have had people stumped for decades now. Are they straight? Gay? Are they even human? We have the answers. We’ve picked seven of the best first person shooter heroes of the 90s and discerned their exact sexualities with no margin of error. We’ve got this down to a science.
Hit the jump, and let’s find out just whom doing the gay is…
Happy Pride Month, everybody! In the interest of celebrating LGBT pride, we here at EggwareXYZ want to what we feel we do best: making things gay for completely arbitrary reasons. We’d like to begin Pride off right with a return to one of our favorite articles, Does Super Smash Bros. Gay? We had a lot of fun figuring out who was the gayest character in Super Smash Brothers, and felt like it was time for us to apply that wisdom to another game. But what was in the most need of our expertise? Which game was just crying out for the Gay Treatment?
The answer was obvious. For years, people have been pondering over the question: Does Team Fortress 2 Gay? It has baffled the brightest minds of all gamerdom. Wars have been fought and kingdoms burned to the ground over the sexual orientations of these nine gentlemen. It’s time for us to put an end to it. With out superior gay-detecting ability, we’ve sorted all nine members of the Team Fortress 2 by how gay they are.
So click through the jump, and let’s get this show on the road. For the good of humanity.