Time and time again, we are confronted with the crushing question: Which members of the Super Smash Bros. Melee cast are gay? It is an all-encompassing thought. At virtually all times we are pondering this question. Could it be Captain Falcon? Yoshi, perhaps… or even Fox? It could be anybody. Anybody at all…
Which is why we’ve compiled this master list of all Super Smash Bros. Melee characters, sorted by how gay we believe they are. This is our comprehensive and completely accurate list, so if you disagree, tough.
We cordially invite you to the first invitational SMASHTASTROPHE, our custom-built set of Super Smash Bros. Melee events! Using our super-selective secret decision making process, we have built a set of twenty-five (plus one) of the most balanced, most competitive-friendly, and most fair events possible under the SSBM engine!
To celebrate, we’ve made a video of our inaugural stream for your viewing perusal. Behold us struggling to speedrun Melee the only way we know how: with a bunch of arbitrary nonsense holding us back!
Warning! Due to the extreme lag involved in the production of this stream, this video may be a photosensitive hazard to anyone with working eyeballs. Be careful!