Posts Tagged ‘food’

CHATTER: Thanksgiving with Eggware.XYZ

Over here at Eggware.XYZ we’ve had a long fucking month, having published Frequently Modulated and Procedumons only to jump right back in on a dozen more stupid projects we can’t even tell you about yet. So we’re celebrating the end of Halloween the only way we know how, and now we’re going to share our secret recipe with you.

Brain Hurting Juice

  • 2 parts Master of Mixes margarita mix
  • 2 parts Rondiaz silver rum
  • 1 part strawberry Crush
  • 1 ibuprofen
  • Ice

In a wine glass, pour the margarita mix and rum over ice and stir. Once thoroughly mixed, top with Strawberry Crush. Drink. Once consumed, take ibuprofen immediately.

This drink makes a stunningly festive red and green layered effect, which will represent the way your brain feels like it is hemorrhaging after drinking this high-sugar concoction.

FOOD: Trader Joe’s – Fireworks Chocolate Bar [Discontinued]

fireworks 01

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but we here at Eggware.XYZ don’t care about that. We prefer a much more important holiday that occurs days later: Leftover Chocolate Sales Day. This treasured day of celebration occurs about a week after several more “major” holidays, such as Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Halloween. For those of us who are bargain-minded, it’s a day of being able to afford decent chocolate and lots of it.

At Trader Joe’s, we’ve partaken of Leftover Chocolate Sales Day by purchasing a limited-time chocolate offer: the Fireworks Chocolate Bar. A bar of dark chocolate is seasoned with hot chili powder, sea salt, and popping candy.

Does the Fireworks bar really pop? Find out after the jump.

Read On…

FOOD: Dutch Crunch – Bistro Blend

bistro blend 01

Old Dutch Foods is a snack manufacturer, primarily known for their brands of potato chips. They only tend to distribute in the northern United States and Canada. Dutch Crunch is Old Dutch’s brand of kettle chips, and our preferred brand of potato chips with an unparalleled Salt & Vinegar flavor.

If you’re eating locally in the Midwest, you’ve probably encountered a plate of Old Dutch branded chips. They’re unmistakeable: they have a fresh potato flavor, are always way too salty. and are soaked in oil that covers your fingertips as you eat.

It sounds kind of awful when you put it like that, but it’s a typical comfort food for the Midwesterner. Whether the chips are tucked into a roast beef and mayo sandwich, used to scoop out Old Dutch-branded french onion dip, or just eaten on their own: it’s a distinctive mark of the region, as you can’t find them anywhere else in the United States of America.

We’ll bring the distinctive flavor of a Midwestern Bistro to the rest of America after the jump.

Read On…

FOOD: XXTra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos

Cheetos XXtra Hot 01

“Paula, I had a horrible nightmare.”

“What was it?”

“I dreamt that they made a new, hotter variety of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – XXtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – they came in a black bag. I’m scared beyond comprehension!”

“Bill, that wasn’t a dream. Those were real, and you have to eat them.”

This is a conversation that actually took place.

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are an extremely fashionable snack – considering they’re one of the few snack chips that have had a rap written by children about them, they’re unquestionably a favorite amongst people of all ages. They are hot, sure – but is that really enough? Flamin’ is a state of mind, after all. One man’s red hot is another man’s lukewarm. How can we push the envelope? How can we turn something that’s Flamin’ into even Flamin’er?

XXtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are the answer. Promising to be “twice as hot” as regular Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, these chips may just be enough to push our taste buds over the edge. Will they hold up to their doubly intense promise? Hit the jump and find out.

Read On…

FOOD: Little Caesars – Soft Pretzel Crust Pizza

Little Caesars Pretzel Crust 01

Hey, when was the last time you had something with pretzel in it? Not like, actually eating a pretzel, but when was the last time you ate a pretzel bun, or pretzel crust, or anything made with pretzel? Months ago, right? Right. So why is it, on June 29, 2015 on this dear sweet planet Earth, that Little Caesars decided to re-introduce its Soft Pretzel Crust Pizza?

Don’t get us wrong – it’s not a bad pizza, at least in our opinion, but the pretzel fad is over. Their last limited time offer was a bacon-crusted deep dish pizza, which was sensible because bacon will never die as long as Americans continue to love making their hearts suffer (as Wendy’s has recently proven with their Baconator Fries), but the Soft Pretzel Crust Pizza got a lukewarm reception the first time it was around when the pretzel fad was actually relevant. We can’t claim to read the minds of the Little Caesars corporate brains, but this just seems like a bad idea.

Regardless, we missed out on an opportunity to review the pizza proper the first time it came around and figured we’d jump on it while it was still (moderately) relevant again. We actually adored the pizza when it was new, so we really wanted to see if a few months off the menu would change it much.

After the jump, we’ll give this out-of-date fad cash-in another try and see if it’s gotten any better… or worse.

Read On…