WARNING: The following article, unusually for us, is very NSFW. Please do not read this if you are under the age of 18, or if you are somebody who works for Parasole Restaurant Holdings.
Burger Jones. The name fills me with fear. How can I possibly explain why? What words will describe the imagined world of Burger Jones, otherwise a small Minnesotan chain of hamburger restaurants? What will atone for what we have invented? Is it simply too late?
Burger Jones was opened in 2009 by Parasole Restaurant Holdings, a small restaurateur business that owns several other restaurants across the Twin Cities. Like what must now be 80% of restaurants in the United States, it is a hamburger restaurant. It serves hamburgers. Its named “Burger Jones”. This isn’t hard math.
But there is a darker side to Burger Jones, a dripping, turgid mess, that is a complete and utter fantasy invented by us here at Eggware.XYZ as one of the stupidest running jokes ever devised. We’d like to apologize to any members of Parasole Restaurant Holdings, or any other employee of the Burger Jones who might stumble upon this article, but our tale must be told. We’ve lived with this for too long, and now that we have finally dined at Burger Jones, you must all share our pain.
We are so, so sorry.(more…)
It’s back! It’s back! Ring the bells and dance in the streets, it’s back! Oh, frabjous day! Celebrate with us, and be merry! Oh, but what’s back, you ask? Dear sweet friend, it’s the Beefy Crunch Burrito! Yes, yes, the BCB is back for a limited time only!
But is it really reason to celebrate? Will it live up to the incredibly high standards its fandom has put upon it? There’s only one way to find out – (more…)
Taco Bell, compared to most other nation-wide fast food restaurants, has an extremely dedicated following. Like most fast food places, Taco Bell’s menu is regularly changing, adding new items and removing old. This has led to a lot of contention among their fanbase, as cult favorites tend to be the first to get the ax. These include items such as the Beefy Crunch Burrito, the Bell Beefer, the Blackjack Taco – all cut down in (what their fans will claim was) their prime.
But there’s always been one menu item that’s had an especially loud clamor for its return. It wasn’t a taco, or a burrito, or even a real meal in itself – it was a sauce. The Lava Sauce, the foundation of the now-discontinued Volcano Menu, has been widely requested for a return to the proper menu ever since its discontinuation in 2013. It was essentially a spicy nacho cheese sauce, yes, but fans will claim that the spice made the difference. If you were to hear it from a Lava Sauce lover it could elevate virtually any Taco Bell food into a heavenly experience, a kind of claim that we only hear about Sriracha sauce nowadays. Although the Taco Bell fans cried loudly for their sauce back, Taco Bell stayed quiet… Until now.
Now, the legendary Lava Sauce is back and featured in the Volcano Quesarito, a standard Taco Bell Quesarito with Lava sauce in place of the regular cheese. We’ve never had the original Lava Sauce, but the idea of having such a monumental sauce for a limited time was too interesting to pass up. Will Lava Sauce live up to its volcanic hype or be a stone cold flop?
Find out after the jump.
Taco Bell has been on a roll recently! We didn’t get a chance to review the Bacon Club Chalupa, but we thought it was very good and an excellent bargain in its $5 meal deal. Their latest offering is the Dare Devil Loaded Grillers, a set of three “loaded Grillers” with super-spicy sauce in three heat levels.
Each Griller is wrapped in a grilled burrito and includes Taco Bell’s seasoned ground beef, nacho cheese, and crunchy red tortilla strips. The primary draw is the Dare Devil sauces, however: Chipotle, Habanero, and Ghost Pepper (from least to most hot).
The sauces for the Grillers are all mayonnaise based, with the Habanero sauce also including sour cream. As the sauce for the Chipotle Griller was an already established sauce on their menu, we decided to only review the two new sauces.
After the jump we’ll take the dare and see if these Grillers are red hot or stone cold.
In December of 2013, Taco Bell came out with one of its most… innovative limited time product offers in a while: the Grilled Stuft Nacho. Promising to be all the goodness of a plate of nachos that could be held in one hand, it became a minor sensation fulfilling Taco Bell’s typical promise of cheap food that was easy to eat. It was discontinued rather quickly, before we could give it a try.
It was reintroduced for a brief period at the end of May, and we got our hands on it then – but did it live up to the expectation of a full-fledged nacho experience in the palm of your hand? (more…)
Today, instead of describing a foodstuff that is currently available as the time of this publication, we will be reviewing a fallen limited time offering that was felled in its prime. Today, we will be lighting a candle in memoriam for one of the best fast foods we have ever had the pleasure of eating. Today, we remember Taco Bell’s Crunchwrap Slider. Humble in demeanor, but big in spirit, Crunchwrap Sliders lived a life full of zest, full of flavor, full of… I’m sorry, I – I just… have something in my eye…. Sob!
The Crunchwrap Slider was based heavily on its larger and older cousin, the Crunchwrap Supreme (which was introduced in summer of 2005 as a limited time offer, and became a formal menu item in 2006). Though the Crunchwrap Supreme was basically a glorified soft-shell taco, it had the unique novelty of being wrapped up like a discus-shaped tortilla sandwich, and it was the Supreme that started a series of similar menu items, such as the A.M. Crunchwrap and – yes, the subject of the review – the Crunchwrap Slider. (more…)