Kraft Dinner is now Kraft Breakfast and there are no more rules

Everybody who has ever lived in their life likes to eat macaroni and cheese for dinner. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is so popular as a dinner time treat, it’s simply labeled “Kraft Dinner” in Canada. But what if you wanted to eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese at a different time of day? What if you wanted it for… breakfast?

This is unthinkable. It is called Kraft Macaroni And Cheese Dinner for a reason. Eating it for dinner is what you are supposed to do with it. You do not eat it for breakfast. That is a bad thing to do, and probably has spiritually negative implications. You are putting your mortal soul on the line by wanting to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast. It is for dinner.

But Kraft is a kind god, and is willing to provide us an indulgence. Yes, soon there will be boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Breakfast on shelves! Maybe, I don’t know, it looks like it’s part of some kind of contest where you can win a magnet and a mug and a box of the Breakfast and stuff I really don’t care about it. What I care about is that it will be macaroni and cheese breakfast! This is new ground. Nobody has ever eaten macaroni and cheese for breakfast before.

But what about it makes it for breakfast?

Will it be particularly breakfast-y in any way? What did they change about it? Did they alter the recipe in some way? Did they add eggs, to make a kind of omelet or scramble? Did they put it in a tortilla, like a breakfast burrito?

Perhaps it will a frozen dinner, ready to microwave. Did they add breakfast sausage spices for a breakfast flavor? Did they add breakfast sausage directly to the package itself? Or did they add a maple syrup flavor to it?

Is the shape of the noodle different, in a more breakfast-y way? Maybe the noodles are shaped like little fried eggs, and sausages, and glasses of orange juice. As we all know, shaped Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is the superior Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, so we would consider this a welcome addition to their product line.

Maybe it’s a cereal? Branded breakfast cereals have been all the rage recently. The idea of a mac & cheese breakfast cereal doesn’t seem like it would be that out-of-place on the shelf next to the stupidity that is Sour Patch Kids.

It could be that they’ve even combined these ideas into some sort of Hot Pocket-type situation. A breakfast burrito, with eggs and sausage, and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, wrapped up in a substance that is very similar to (but not quite) bread. I’m sure we can fit the breakfast cereal and the orange juice in there somewhere.

No. It is none of these. The recipe for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Breakfast is identical to the Dinner.

All they did is put the word “breakfast” on the box where the word “dinner” used to be.

Evidently, due to the worldwide pandemic we’ve all been living in for the past over half a year, more parents are feeding their kids macaroni and cheese for breakfast than ever before. Such… debauchery has been forgiven, encouraged even, by Kraft with the production of this product. Well, this packaging.

Is this what food advertising has become? Are we really at the point in the middle of 2020 where there are no more innovations left, and we have to make up complete arbitrary bullshit to sell to people? We really thought that they would do something interesting with this. They have other flavored macaroni-and-cheeses, don’t they? Couldn’t they have just added a pinch of sage or maple syrup or whatever the hell?

Haven’t we been having a horrible enough time with the deaths and the murders and the constantly having to cook our own meals? Wasn’t Baby Nut enough cultural torture for one year? No. Nothing matters anymore. None of this matters.

We are living in new and terrifying times, friends. A world where you can eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast recklessly… we’ve never been in this kind of environment before. The pandemic has changed everything. Up is down, black is white, and macaroni and cheese is now a breakfast food. How are we going to get through this one? Will there be a “normal” to even return to? I suggest you load up on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Breakfast as soon as it hit shelves – and find yourself a few boxes of Cap’n Crunch to have for dinner. There are no more rules.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.