The Colors of Wishbone

The colors were so beautiful.

They promised me so much. Whenever I felt sad, or lonely, or worried, all I would do is listen to the colors, and they would promise me that all things would be okay. They did things no other colors could do. Have you ever smelled a color? Tasted a color? No, not in the way somebody with synesthesia would, either. Really tasted a color, tasted it in the same way that you could taste a piece of chocolate, savoring its flavor and swallowing it and feeling it inside you, warm and pleasant. I hadn’t either, until the colors of Wishbone were revealed to me.

Nobody else can understand. The Wishbone colors speak, and they sing, and they dance, and they do so, so much for me. I cannot live without them. I will not live without them. They are everything to me. No family, no friends, nobody can compare. How could they? They cannot show me delights the way Wishbone can. They call me mad when I try to even gently describe, to convince them to look at the colors.

Maybe I am mad. But if madness is the price for happiness, I do not care. The colors are worth any price. The colors are everything.

When the colors revealed themselves to me, it was in the form of a commercial. I was simply surfing Youtube, as I do, looking at old commercials to entertain myself. When I clicked on this commercial, I didn’t expect much. Just another way to spend 30 or so seconds before moving on.

I didn’t think it would change everything.

From the second it started, I was enthralled. Have you ever seen a commercial so unbearably manic, let alone one ostensibly about salad dressing? What in the hell was going on, here? People gorging themselves on dressing-drenched salads, smiling and staring at the camera, through the camera, in rapture beyond mortal comprehension. One line said it all:

“You’re looking at what you’re looking for.”

The colors were subtle, and careful not to overindulge me in these first few moments. It was up to me to delve further, further, further into their embrace. The colors wanted to know if I could truly appreciate what they had to offer me. And I gave in, easily. I wanted more, and the colors were more than happy to provide.

On the previous video, a commenter idly wondered if Wishbone the dog would enjoy this stuff. On this video, another commenter states that Wishbone loves it. How do they know this? Perhaps the colors told them. The colors have told me many things. Some of these things I did not want to know, but most of them have been pleasant. It is of no matter.

This video was the second step towards the colors. Already I was enthralled, and the colors had so much more to show me. There was majesty, so much beauty, in even a single hue – how could I not have noticed before? When did the color blue alone mean so much? I could never tell if the colors had made it different, or simply made me notice what had always been there. “Bluest blue you’ve ever seen,” indeed! Even the blue of blue cheese was more radiant, vibrant, flavorful! I could taste it! God, I could really taste it!

I was naive to think that the colors were showing me all of this for no reason. The colors had needs, as well.

Even colors hunger.

I was heartbroken, when the colors told me what they wanted. It was impossible. It was wrong. But look, the colors said – watch us. There would be no pain, no suffering, and it would be over quickly. They sucked the herbs and vegetables into themselves quickly, yes, painlessly. Did I really think the colors could exist without sustenance? And if I were to provide, they would reward me beyond my dreams! 


I was scared, dear reader. To be particularly frank, I was terrified. I felt like I had gone in too deep, and was standing upon the precipice of a terrifying gorge. But what other choice did I have? If you saw what the colors showed me, you would have done it too. The people I gave over to the colors did not scream or weep. They would always laugh and smile, and look me in the eye, joy dancing in their face the way those beautiful things the colors showed me after would dance.

I believe, I really do, that their smiles were sincere. Perhaps it was a kindness, after all. To become one with the colors must be exquisite.

And, oh, how the colors rewarded me when I did their bidding! The new things they showed me! It was as if I was taken from a dark cave and plunged into the daylight all over again. Gold, robust and true, shining with a blinding brilliance! Being blinded by the glow did not stop me from seeing the gold, friends, oh dear friends. Even now I am drawn to tears thinking about that moment. Real gold is no more than base lead to me now. I was shown true gold, and the gold is inside me, and I am gold for it. And the colors have more to show me. So, so much more, as long as I keep providing for them. The colors love me more than I have ever been loved in my life. I will do as they say. I will be awash with color forever.

You must think I am insane. Maybe I am. It is of no matter. You don’t need to think I am sane, or even believe my story. I share this with you for one reason: to show you the colors as well. And once you have seen the colors of Wishbone Salad Dressing, they will never, ever leave you. You will see them in your sleep. You will see them every time you close your eyes. You will hear their songs when it is quiet, no matter what you plug your ears with.

And in time, in good time, you will come to the colors as a friend. You’re looking at what you’ve been looking for.

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