Fallout: New Vegas is the greatest video game ever made. We’re not willing to entertain arguments on that. Yes, the original two Fallout games were very good, very good indeed, but New Vegas has accessibility on its side that we feel gives it an edge over the originals. It is the true Fallout 3, and we don’t even want to dirty our blog talking about Fallout 4 or 76. FNV is the game of kings and philosophers. People are still arguing to this day what the best ending path is. Can you say that about Fallout 3?
But there’s one thing that makes Fallout: New Vegas stand head and shoulders above the rest of its own series. It’s the first game that allowed you to actually be gay! Fallout 2 was the first game ever produced that allowed you to be gay married, but New Vegas ups the bar by letting you be gay right out the gate. From the moment you first level up, you’ll be offered one of two perks depending on gender: Cherchez la Femme or Confirmed Bachelor.
The main benefit of making your character gay is that they do more damage to enemies of the same sex, for some reason, but the real reward is the sometimes-hilarious dialogue trees that being gay offers. The Fallout series has always been a game with comedy at its heart, and New Vegas isn’t afraid to make being gay hilarious. We’ve composed a list of our top favorite moments that being gay in Fallout: New Vegas provides.
#7: Cass’s Bisexual Moments
One of the followers that you can recruit in Fallout: New Vegas is Cass, a hard-drinking country girl who’s run into one hard time after the other. By the time you meet her, she’s found herself drowning her sorrows over her family’s caravan company being attacked by raiders. You can convince her to leave the past behind and pal around with you, provided you can buy out the title to her family’s company – or beat her in a drinking contest.
Cass is an interesting companion because she was, during development, designed to be “romanceable”. If you became close enough with her, you’d wake up one morning in bed together after a major bender, having been married in a classic Vegas-style instant wedding. This sadly never put this in the game, but it is implied that Cass does develop some feelings for a male Courier by the ending of the game. But Cass has more to her than that – talk to her with Cherchez la Femme, and she’ll admit that when she’s drunk, she doesn’t care who she gets into bed with.
#6: Light Switch Seductions
The DLC addon Old World Blues is rich with sexual innuendo and humor, up to and including the light switches in your bedroom. Light Switch 01 and Light Switch 02, like all the other appliances in “The Sink”, are functioning artificial intelligences with… quirky personalities. The jukebox thinks it’s an old blues singer, the Auto-Doc is a military surgeon, the toaster is obsessed with burning the earth to cinders, and the two light switches are Betty-and-Veronica types who hate each other’s guts. Light Switch 01 is a sultry, elegant lady, while Light Switch 02 is bubbly and fun-loving.
If you’re a lesbian, you can actually hit on both of these light switches for some small perks. Promising to “discuss theory” with 01 has her give you a “Programmer’s Digest” skill magazine, and describing 02 as a ‘light switch that turns you on’ earns a “Meeting People”. These are pretty small rewards in the greater scope of the game, but hey, they’re pretty small women.
#5: Doctor Dala
Speaking of Old World Blues, one of its primary characters is Doctor Dala, a member of the “Think Tank”, a group of pre-Big War scientists who have abandoned their mortal bodies to become brains in floating jars. In the 200 plus years since the Big War, the Think Tank has become dangerously insane – which is a feat, as it’s heavily implied that they were as crazy as shithouse rats before they tore their brains out and put them into flying robots.
Dala is ostensibly a mineralogist, but her real interest lies in biology… human biology. Dala is obsessed with the human body, and possesses a deep-seated interest in watching its biological processes at work. Helping Dala come to terms with her… needs is the crux of her personal quest, earning you a daily reward of energy weapon ammo if you help her… Let’s not go into detail. Normally this quest requires a pretty hefty Perception stat, but if you’re a woman, you can figure her out right off the bat. All it takes is a little yawning, a little rolling your eyes, and she’s in the palm of your hand.
#4: Arcade Gannon
Arcade Gannon is another one of the potential followers the main character can have. He’s the dedicated “smart” companion, with a working knowledge of scientific and historical theory. You can converse with him on a wide variety of topics, and he’s one of the few companions to have a nuanced and thoughtful position on the greater conflict in the Mojave. And he’s gay!
Recruiting Arcade is a little trickier than some other companions: you can’t just ask him to follow you around like a dog. He’s got to like you first, primarily by aiding the Followers of the Apocalypse, the mutual aid organization that Arcade is a member of. But you can sidestep all of this with one easy trick: be a homosexual. Hitting on Arcade once is all it takes to get Arcade on your side. And when you get around to doing his personal quest, it’s pretty clear why… This is one lonely dude.
Arcade isn’t the only gay companion, though: Veronica Santangelo is a lesbian, and talks openly about her past relationship, but can’t be hit on even if you’re gay too. It’s pretty disappointing, even if you can’t go the distance with Arcade either. But being a lesbian has very big implications for when you meet Veronica’s ex-girlfriend…
Dead Money was the first DLC for Fallout: New Vegas, and in our opinion it’s one of the best. (Will thinks Old World Blues is better, can’t blame him.) The premise of Dead Money is that you’ve been abducted by Father Elijah, a mysterious ex-leader of the reclusive Brotherhood of Steel, and tasked with breaking into the pre-War Sierra Madre Casino’s secure vault at the risk of him making your head explode. You’re aided with a troop of fellow kidnapped: Dog, a child-minded super mutant accompanied by his brilliant and sadistic alter named God; Dean Domino, a pre-War superstar turned into a ghoul and trapped inside the Sierra Madre for 200 years; and Christine, an ex-member of the Brotherhood with a brutal past.
You see, Veronica never names her ex-girlfriend, but it’s made clear to anybody with the most basic skills in literary analysis that her ex is Christine. The Brotherhood of Steel is a very cult-like and conservative organization, and the leader at the time – Elijah himself – forcibly ended their romance. This was only one step in Elijah’s crazed mismanagement of the Brotherhood, and once he was ousted from its leadership, Christine was assigned to hunt him down.
Christine’s hunt led her to the Sierra Madre, where she was assaulted by Dean Domino, trapped in an Auto-Doc, and had surgery performed on her non-stop for two weeks until the Courier arrived to rescue her. Naturally, this has left her scarred both physically and mentally. Considering an Auto-Doc contains tools like buzzsaws, one can barely imagine.
So what does all of this have to do with being gay? Well, Christine’s experience in the Auto-Doc has left her badly traumatized, and understanding her lost love on the level only a fellow gay person can makes her feel much more comfortable. As she tries to communicate her past to you using only improvised sign language, you can immediately pick up on her being gay when she dismisses the idea of having a husband. She’ll be much friendlier to you later down the line, knowing that you understand her.
This pays off again later once you’re actually breaking into. At one section, you and Christine must hack into the casino’s computer system, which involves entering its dark basement. To get to a power system for the casino’s gates, Christine has to ride an elevator down into the bowels of its electronic system… something, after two weeks of being trapped in an Auto-Doc, she’s not too keen to do. You can find another way to hack the computers without having her ride in the elevator, but it’s only being gay that lets you squeeze her hand and promise you’ll come back for her. This nets you a dose of Good Karma, proving that being gay is an inherently good act.
#2: Gay People Get Free Repairs
At the Mojave Outpost, the New California Republic’s official gateway into the Mojave desert region, you can find a settlement that’s almost a town in itself. One of the characters here is Major Knight, an NCR office tasked with logging traffic coming through the outpost. Unfortunately, thanks to a recent prison break, the outpost has been on lockdown until order has been restored, locking traffic up until an all-clear is given. Knight is stuck sitting on his hands with everybody else, as tensions rise and angry cattle traders pile up stuck in the outpost.
Knight is also a master repairman and, aside from his log duties, offers a repair service to travellers passing through. If you give him the right offer of “friendship”, he’ll go a little into detail about how homosexuality is treated in the Fallout universe. In most of the places we’ve seen, gay people have been treated kindly with little ill regard towards them overall. Out here in the Outpost, things are different. Knight wants to keep any potential “friendships” on the down low, and remarks that the Legion actually treats homosexuality better than some places in the NCR… as long as you don’t mind the slavery, crucifixions, and mandatory misogyny, I guess. But the real perk is that thanks to a glitch, you can then ask Major Knight to repair your gear for free! Knight is one of the best repairmen in the game, so this is a fantastic opportunity to get your stuff back into tip-top shape. Now that’s what watching out for other gays is all about!
#1: Stop Hitting Yourself
The main plot of Old World Blues revolves around you being abducted by the Think Tank, the aforementioned mad scientists, having your brain removed, and being forced into helping them out with one of their own who has defected. It’s up to you to find the evil Dr. Mobius, recover your brain, and get out of the Big Empty with all of your pieces intact.
Nothing is that simple. It turns out though Dr. Mobius is just as crazy as the rest of them, he’s the one trying to protect the world from the Think Tank, and your disembodied brain has been working with him… And now that your brain has had a taste of what it’s like out of the skull, it doesn’t really want to go back. It decries your physical body as the source of all of its woes, blaming the Courier’s violent and unpredictable behavior on their glandular system. Now safe in a tank of its own, it would rather stay there and study literature and science instead of getting shot at by raiders.
It’s too bad for your brain that your body is now ruled entirely by glands. With either the gay or lesbian perk, you can gain the option to actually hit on your own brain, fulfilling one of the fundamental sexual fantasies of mankind. The brain is horrified and disgusted, left pondering if it really was that perverted while it was inside your head.
In a DLC full of hilarious moments, this one will always stand out as the pinnacle. Only a protagonist like the Courier would be gutsy enough to proposition their own grey matter. Only a protagonist like the Courier could be so gay.