Reviews

GAMING: Half Hour Games – Dr. Langeskov, the Tiger, and the Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist

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Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger and The Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist is a short whirlwind heist simulator made in Unity and released December 4, 2015 by Crows Crows Crows. In it you play a mysterious cat burglar, whose crime spree has taken them to the fabulous mansion of Dr. Langeskov for one of the greatest heists of the 20th century. Slip past the mansion’s guards, beware of Langeskov’s precious pet tiger, and the emerald may be yours – just watch out for its terrible curse… A truly terrible curse… yeah…

Oh, who are we kidding? We can’t do this. This place is in shambles and we’re not going to waste our time writing a review when we’re not even being paid a living wage. We haven’t gotten paid in two months and they expect us to do a whole review for this game. Well, we’re sick of it. Sick of it. We’re joining the strike. Forget this. You can get someone else to make the jump, you sickos.

Read On…

GAMING: Half Hour Games – Beautiful Frog

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Beautiful Frog is a Twine frog ownership simulator game by Porpentine about frogs! Frogs are beautiful creatures, don’t you think? Do you love frogs so much that it can be hard to think about or talk about or look at pictures of anything else? Beautiful Frog is the perfect game for you!

A frog is a beautiful creature! So noble in its smooth, moist skin like a king’s cloak! So prideful in its gracious hops! So humble in its mournful croak! We love a frog more than almost any other critter in the domain of the Earth! They are so beautiful. In Beautiful Frog, you can raise a sweet frog of your own! Hooray, what a wonderful concept!

We will discover how beautiful this frog game is after the hop!!!!!

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Expat

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Expat is a game released on June 2, 2014 by Blendo Games for the Space Cowboy Game Jam, a collaborative game design event inspired by Cowboy Bebop with the theme of combining both the American and final frontiers.

We’re always excited to play games by Blendo, as they always have a massive amount of charm that we feel represents the best qualities of the independent game market. Expat is no exception, as it’s a game about a real rough-rockin’ hombre out to earn a little extra scratch with one of the oldest professions in the world: knocking troublemakers on their heads and turning them in for cash. Fly across the solar system and make friends, hunt enemies, and get wads of cash or die trying.

After the jump, we’ll blast off after the most valuable bounty of all: a game review.

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FOOD: Dutch Crunch – Bistro Blend

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Old Dutch Foods is a snack manufacturer, primarily known for their brands of potato chips. They only tend to distribute in the northern United States and Canada. Dutch Crunch is Old Dutch’s brand of kettle chips, and our preferred brand of potato chips with an unparalleled Salt & Vinegar flavor.

If you’re eating locally in the Midwest, you’ve probably encountered a plate of Old Dutch branded chips. They’re unmistakeable: they have a fresh potato flavor, are always way too salty. and are soaked in oil that covers your fingertips as you eat.

It sounds kind of awful when you put it like that, but it’s a typical comfort food for the Midwesterner. Whether the chips are tucked into a roast beef and mayo sandwich, used to scoop out Old Dutch-branded french onion dip, or just eaten on their own: it’s a distinctive mark of the region, as you can’t find them anywhere else in the United States of America.

We’ll bring the distinctive flavor of a Midwestern Bistro to the rest of America after the jump.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Crowtel, and Why Forethought is Important

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Crowtel is a platformer-adventure/corvid hotel ownership simulator released November 2, 2015 by Sink. You are a humble crow in charge of an extremely run-down hotel, and a surprise visit from health inspector cats sends you scrambling to clean up the place before you get shut down.

With six floors of hardcore chirp-’em-up platforming action, Crowtel is a throwback to memorable shooter platformers like Cave Story – but can it leap over the platforms of high standards? We’ll find out after the jump.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Animal Inspector

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Animal Inspector is an animal inspection simulator released on November 18, 2015 by Tom Astle. In a world where there are simply too many animals clogging everything up, the Animal Inspection Agency is there to inspect all animals to determine their value. Good animals are approved, and bad animals are… well, rejected.

Inside the world of inspecting animals, we’ll discover office drama, a mysterious secret, and a world where sending animals to their presumed deaths with a rubber stamp is just business as usual.

We’ll give Animal Inspector an inspection of its own. Will it get our approval? Find out after the jump.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – I am dead where are my keys

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I am dead where are my keys is a driving-adventure game released on October 31, 2015. With programming by Taylor Bai-Woo, graphics by Ben Swinden, and music by Halina Heron, it’s pretty comprehensively developed for a game about two skeletons saving Halloween from the comfort of their car.

Yes, once again Halloween is in danger and it’s up to a dynamic pair of skeletons in their cherry-red convertible to save it. Can they save this treasured holiday, or will it forever be ruined by… whatever kind of threat Halloween would face?

After the jump, we’ll rattle some bones and see if we’re bad enough dudes to save Halloween.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Oases

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Oases is a game released on November 11, 2015. Described as a “kaleidoscopic elegiac flyscape”, it was created by Armel Gibson and dziff, members of the Klondike Collective. You might remember the Klondike Collective from their last work that we reviewed, Naut. This game has a lot of similarities to Naut: it’s a surreal, brightly colored jaunt throughout a mysterious, desolate landscape. The main difference is that this one takes place in an airplane. Oh, and also it’s scary.

We had discovered Oases over Twitter, where some small discussion of it had sprouted from its release. We were interested and decided to give it a look, as we had heard that it was “relaxing” and “soothing”. We’re always in the market for more games to soothe us, so we thought at first Oases and us would be a perfect match. But would it? After the jump, we’ll hop in the cockpit and find out.

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GAMING: Half Hour Games – Viridi

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This is the start of our Half Hour Games column, a series where we experience free games within the span of half an hour and then tell you about them. Call it “judging a book by its cover” because it’s certainly not representative, but for the millennial world, we need all the time that we can get.

Viridi is a free-to-play indie simulator game, designed by Ice Water Games (the game studio also responsible for Eidolon) and released for Steam on August 20, 2015.
Viridi is marketed as a brief lunch-break game to be “a place you can return to for a moment of peace and quiet whenever you need it”. The game revolves around growing and maintaining your personal pot of succulent plants and keeping them watered and alive. That’s it – you get a pot of plants, and you treat it pretty much like a real pot of plants. No goals, no gameplay, no stress. It’s just you and your cacti, relaxing.

It sounds interesting in practice – a quiet, comfortable place to watch little plant buddies chill out? It’s certainly a Far Cry from all of the Call of Fallout Battlefield games out there. But is it really substantial enough for it to hold its own? After the jump, we’ll give this game 30 minutes to impress us or wither trying.

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FOOD: Little Caesars – The Experience

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Little Caesars is a chain that can only be described as “a guilty pleasure”. Their pizza is typically perceived as lower-quality compared to its peers, but they’re sold at a price point that no one could hope to beat. It’s the ultimate payoff of quality for affordability when it comes to takeout pizza, one that some people say just isn’t worth it.

Little Caesars is also our favorite pizza chain. Being people whose only pleasures are guilty, we personally find that Little Caesars’ value is about the same as Domino’s or Pizza Hut’s when scaled up. We’d very much rather eat two Little Caesars pizzas than a single Domino’s pizza any day.

But how does it really stack up? How can we demonstrate just why we like this cheap pizza so much? And it’s not just pizza on their menu – what about their equally cheap Crazy Bread?
To put this to the test, we ordered our usual: the $10 Meal Deal, which comes with one large pepperoni or cheese pizza, an 8-piece order of Crazy Bread, Crazy Sauce, and a 2-liter soda.

After the jump, we’ll go into detail about Little Caesars’ star players.

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