Which of classic shooter heroes does the gay?

We hope you’re all still having a great Pride Month! For us, however, it’s been a challenge. With the smash success of our Does Team Fortress 2 Is Gay article, we’ve been hounded with countless, trillions of requests to discern the sexuality of more video game characters. And who are we to say no? 

In the interest of bettering society, we’ve decided to answer Which of Classic Shooter Heroes Does The Gay? These heroes of vintage first person shooter games have had people stumped for decades now. Are they straight? Gay? Are they even human? We have the answers. We’ve picked seven of the best first person shooter heroes of the 90s and discerned their exact sexualities with no margin of error. We’ve got this down to a science.

Hit the jump, and let’s find out just whom doing the gay is…

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Does Team Fortress 2 Is Gay?

Happy Pride Month, everybody! In the interest of celebrating LGBT pride, we here at EggwareXYZ want to what we feel we do best: making things gay for completely arbitrary reasons. We’d like to begin Pride off right with a return to one of our favorite articles, Does Super Smash Bros. Gay? We had a lot of fun figuring out who was the gayest character in Super Smash Brothers, and felt like it was time for us to apply that wisdom to another game. But what was in the most need of our expertise? Which game was just crying out for the Gay Treatment?

The answer was obvious. For years, people have been pondering over the question: Does Team Fortress 2 Gay? It has baffled the brightest minds of all gamerdom. Wars have been fought and kingdoms burned to the ground over the sexual orientations of these nine gentlemen. It’s time for us to put an end to it. With out superior gay-detecting ability, we’ve sorted all nine members of the Team Fortress 2 by how gay they are. 

So click through the jump, and let’s get this show on the road. For the good of humanity.

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Bubsy Bobcat takes us to our breaking point in The Bubsathon

What is it about Bubsy that inspires such visceral rage in all of us? Well, nearly all of us. Okay, what is it about Bubsy that inspires such visceral rage in everyone except for the people who are afflicted with deep, passionate love?

We did not solve this mystery over the course of these videos – Bubsy may have much to say, but he does not share his secrets. You can still watch our playthrough of every classic Bubsy game, wherein we slowly suffer from a neurotic breakdown.

Fun fact: The ‘Bubsathon’ was titled such because it was originally going to be a playthrough done in one sitting. That did not happen. The title remains, because even with a week’s wait between, by the end of this we had experienced more pain than any marathon runner.

If your Bubs-lust has not been sated, we have a podcast episode about Bubsy on our Patreon that nearly killed us to record. You can pledge as little as $1 a month to die too.