Food

CHATTER: Thanksgiving with Eggware.XYZ

Over here at Eggware.XYZ we’ve had a long fucking month, having published Frequently Modulated and Procedumons only to jump right back in on a dozen more stupid projects we can’t even tell you about yet. So we’re celebrating the end of Halloween the only way we know how, and now we’re going to share our secret recipe with you.

Brain Hurting Juice

  • 2 parts Master of Mixes margarita mix
  • 2 parts Rondiaz silver rum
  • 1 part strawberry Crush
  • 1 ibuprofen
  • Ice

In a wine glass, pour the margarita mix and rum over ice and stir. Once thoroughly mixed, top with Strawberry Crush. Drink. Once consumed, take ibuprofen immediately.

This drink makes a stunningly festive red and green layered effect, which will represent the way your brain feels like it is hemorrhaging after drinking this high-sugar concoction.

FOOD: Taco Bell – Beefy Crunch Burrito

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It’s back! It’s back! Ring the bells and dance in the streets, it’s back! Oh, frabjous day! Celebrate with us, and be merry! Oh, but what’s back, you ask? Dear sweet friend, it’s the Beefy Crunch Burrito! Yes, yes, the BCB is back for a limited time only!

But is it really reason to celebrate? Will it live up to the incredibly high standards its fandom has put upon it? There’s only one way to find out – Read On…

FOOD: Trader Joe’s – Fireworks Chocolate Bar [Discontinued]

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Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but we here at Eggware.XYZ don’t care about that. We prefer a much more important holiday that occurs days later: Leftover Chocolate Sales Day. This treasured day of celebration occurs about a week after several more “major” holidays, such as Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Halloween. For those of us who are bargain-minded, it’s a day of being able to afford decent chocolate and lots of it.

At Trader Joe’s, we’ve partaken of Leftover Chocolate Sales Day by purchasing a limited-time chocolate offer: the Fireworks Chocolate Bar. A bar of dark chocolate is seasoned with hot chili powder, sea salt, and popping candy.

Does the Fireworks bar really pop? Find out after the jump.

Read On…

FOOD: Dutch Crunch – Bistro Blend

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Old Dutch Foods is a snack manufacturer, primarily known for their brands of potato chips. They only tend to distribute in the northern United States and Canada. Dutch Crunch is Old Dutch’s brand of kettle chips, and our preferred brand of potato chips with an unparalleled Salt & Vinegar flavor.

If you’re eating locally in the Midwest, you’ve probably encountered a plate of Old Dutch branded chips. They’re unmistakeable: they have a fresh potato flavor, are always way too salty. and are soaked in oil that covers your fingertips as you eat.

It sounds kind of awful when you put it like that, but it’s a typical comfort food for the Midwesterner. Whether the chips are tucked into a roast beef and mayo sandwich, used to scoop out Old Dutch-branded french onion dip, or just eaten on their own: it’s a distinctive mark of the region, as you can’t find them anywhere else in the United States of America.

We’ll bring the distinctive flavor of a Midwestern Bistro to the rest of America after the jump.

Read On…

FOOD: Little Caesars – The Experience

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Little Caesars is a chain that can only be described as “a guilty pleasure”. Their pizza is typically perceived as lower-quality compared to its peers, but they’re sold at a price point that no one could hope to beat. It’s the ultimate payoff of quality for affordability when it comes to takeout pizza, one that some people say just isn’t worth it.

Little Caesars is also our favorite pizza chain. Being people whose only pleasures are guilty, we personally find that Little Caesars’ value is about the same as Domino’s or Pizza Hut’s when scaled up. We’d very much rather eat two Little Caesars pizzas than a single Domino’s pizza any day.

But how does it really stack up? How can we demonstrate just why we like this cheap pizza so much? And it’s not just pizza on their menu – what about their equally cheap Crazy Bread?
To put this to the test, we ordered our usual: the $10 Meal Deal, which comes with one large pepperoni or cheese pizza, an 8-piece order of Crazy Bread, Crazy Sauce, and a 2-liter soda.

After the jump, we’ll go into detail about Little Caesars’ star players.

Read On…

FOOD: Taco Bell – Steak and Potato Boss Wrap [Discontinued]

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What does it take be boss? It’s an aspiration that most all of us can relate to. We all want to be the boss of something, whether it be our own lives or the responsibilities of other people. Being the boss means a new level of responsibility and the benefits that come with it. Almost everything wants to be the boss – yes, friends, that even means Crunchwraps.

The Boss Wrap is the latest limited time offer from Taco Bell, a ‘fully-loaded’ Crunchwrap variant packed with a double serving of steak. It comes in two varieties: the “Fully Loaded Steak” comes with a double portion of steak, avocado ranch sauce, guacamole, sour cream, lettuce, a 3-cheese blend, and pico de gallo; the other version, “Steak and Potato”, comes with a double portion of steak, crispy potatoes, chipotle sauce, sour cream, bacon, and a 3-cheese blend.

After the jump, we’ll see if the Boss Wrap can pay the cost to be the boss.

Read On…

FOOD: The Ultimate Chicken Sandwich Showdown!

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There’s a lot of fast food out there, and a lot of that fast food is based around one thing primarily: sandwiches. Hamburgers, primarily, but the realm of the sandwich isn’t limited to just beef patties. Oh no, for every good hamburger there is a good chicken sandwich standing right behind it. Chicken is the unsung hero of the fast food world, propping up big beefy burgers with humble nuggets and sandwiches.

It’s these sandwiches that we’re concerned about today. Virtually every fast food restaurant has a value menu nowadays, and the centerpiece of those value menus tends to be chicken sandwiches. Being a cheaper meat than beef, chicken sandwiches are the workhorses of any poor fast food lover’s diet where you can get an easy 4-6 sandwiches for the price of a single main menu item.

But what is the best when it comes to these value menu chicken sandwiches? With each major fast food restaurant providing a variation on the subject, it’s down to a four-way free-for-all challenge to determine this. After the jump, you’ll get to claim your tickets for the Fast Food Faceoff of the century: Eggware.XYZ’s Ultimate Chicken Sandwich Showdown!

Read On…

FOOD: Popeyes – Wild Pepper Tenderloins [Discontinued]

Wild Pepper Tenderloins 01

There are a lot of different kinds of pepper out there! What most think of first when they say “pepper” is black pepper, a member of the Piper family. For others, it would be Capsicum, the family that provides us with the intense chile peppers. And even outside of those two, there are lots of thing called “pepper” that aren’t pepper in the least, like pink pepper or allspice.

This month, Popeyes has decided to take that same wide ranging idea of what constitutes a pepper in their Wild Pepper Tenderloins, chicken tenderloins spiced with habanero, aji amarillo, and Sichuan peppercorns (spelled as Szechuan in the advertisements). Are these peppery tenderloins really that wild, or are they mild? Find out after the jump.

Read On…

FOOD: XXTra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos

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“Paula, I had a horrible nightmare.”

“What was it?”

“I dreamt that they made a new, hotter variety of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – XXtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – they came in a black bag. I’m scared beyond comprehension!”

“Bill, that wasn’t a dream. Those were real, and you have to eat them.”

This is a conversation that actually took place.

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are an extremely fashionable snack – considering they’re one of the few snack chips that have had a rap written by children about them, they’re unquestionably a favorite amongst people of all ages. They are hot, sure – but is that really enough? Flamin’ is a state of mind, after all. One man’s red hot is another man’s lukewarm. How can we push the envelope? How can we turn something that’s Flamin’ into even Flamin’er?

XXtra Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are the answer. Promising to be “twice as hot” as regular Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, these chips may just be enough to push our taste buds over the edge. Will they hold up to their doubly intense promise? Hit the jump and find out.

Read On…