If you have a heart in your body, the Taco Bell Menu Annihilation still stings you to this day. The Mexican Pizza…. The Breakfast Crunchwrap sausage patty… The Beefy Fritos Burrito… It burns. It hurts our hearts to think about, even now. But – what is that, on the horizon? That sound? The sound of angels? Returning something to us? Fiesta Potatoes are BACK!?
Yes, dear readers, Fiesta Potatoes are coming back this March! We can’t believe it! We’re going insane with rapture and frenzy over here! We LOVE Taco Bell potatoes! We don’t have much else to live for, frankly! This is probably the biggest serotonin high we’ve had in about eight months! Oh my God! Potatoes! Real potatoes! From the dirt! In the Ground! They are from the dirt and they are picked by a farmer who sends them to The Factory and The Factory chops them into FIESTAS and they are sent to OUR Taco Bell who puts them in OUR mouths with SAUCE! Yes! FIESTA POTATOES? YES! That’s right. We are having Fiesta Potato Fiesta Times here and we couldn’t be happier. Potato is back and we happy now. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Here’s Taco Bell CEO as a potato:
Thank you. Fiesta Potatoes return March 11th.
If you’re a long-time follower of this blog, you’re amazing, and also you may remember the Dole Whip Saga. In short: I really, really want to try Dole Whip, a pineapple-flavored soft-serve ice cream treat that can only be found in Dole-sponsored locations, the most prominent ones being Disneyland and Walt Disney World.
It has been over two years since the first installment of the Dole Whip Saga. I am going to be honest with you, dear reader, that things have not gotten much better for me since then.
A few months ago I got a chance to try Taco Bell’s Pineapple Whip, which satisfied the primal desire to taste a pineapple frozen beverage, but brought me no closer to enlightenment. Other than that, the chances of me ever obtaining a Whip have drastically lowered in light of the pandemic. In fact, Walt Disney World is now probably one of the worst places in America that I could go to for any reason, and it will probably remain that way for a long time. Going to Disney would be a moral crime, not only to myself, but to my loved ones and everyone around me. It is unthinkable.
Other things have changed since that fateful July of 2018. I’ve gained a better understanding of what Walt Disney World even is. For some reason when I wrote the original article I was sincerely convinced that the mascot characters talked. I also have a short list of rides I would like to go on (mostly Haunted Mansion), none of which my wife shares my enthusiasm for, because I think my wife would be a lot happier if I did not want to go to Walt Disney World in the first place.
Since I love my wife and do not enjoy causing disdain, I tried to refocus my goals into more realistic ones.
It turned out that the Minnesota State Fair serves Dole Whip! Holy crap! I’ve been to the fair multiple times and I’d never even seen it before. That was very achievable, and that became the new plan. I would go to the Minnesota State Fair, a place I associated otherwise with pain and sweat and resentment, and I was going to enjoy myself. I even started exercising with the hopes that I’d be able to fit on the fair’s admirable selection of rides.
And then, you know, literally everything happened.(more…)