CHATTER: Does Super Smash Bros. Gay?

Time and time again, we are confronted with the crushing question: Which members of the Super Smash Bros. Melee cast are gay? It is an all-encompassing thought. At virtually all times we are pondering this question. Could it be Captain Falcon? Yoshi, perhaps… or even Fox? It could be anybody. Anybody at all…

Which is why we’ve compiled this master list of all Super Smash Bros. Melee characters, sorted by how gay we believe they are. This is our comprehensive and completely accurate list, so if you disagree, tough.

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CHATTER: Warden Wants a Dole Whip

As of today it’s no longer a secret that I’ve never had a Dole Whip.

Dole Whips are a cult classic treat you can get at a few places, notably Disneyland and Walt Disney World. It’s a soft-serve dairy-free ice “cream” treat made with pineapple flavor. It’s either served by itself, or as a “Dole Whip float” with pineapple juice.

I don’t know what it tastes like, because as I’ve just said, I’ve never had it. But I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO

So let’s look at my options.

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CHATTER: Kronk.Com

Twitter got you down? Tired of the same news stories being circulated by your horrible friend group, which apparently forgot how to read sometime within the past decade and now just blindly retweets anything – even posts by nazi furs? Tired of popular, functional social media websites rotting your brain and making you paranoid for your safety?

Come to KRONK.NET, our Twitter replacement startup biz, where the fun lasts until you log off! Check out our website’s amazing features under the jump!

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CHATTER: Top 10 Goofy Movies that Shouldn’t Have Been Made

We recently decided to rewatch the 1995 classic A Goofy Movie and its lesser-known direct-to-video sequel, and it gave us an opportunity to think about all the sequels that came along the way when they decided to revive the Goof Troop franchise.

Okay, seriously: there have been so many of these. We don’t even remember when they decided to bring back this decaying whale of a series. Maybe it was something to do with DuckTales? The cartoon reboot was short-lived, and immediately cancelled after the Thanksgiving special that gave children seizure nightmares.

Without further adieu, here’s our list of Goofy movies that just weren’t goofy enough for us.

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CHATTER: Top 8 Games That Needed a Verbosity Slider

Have you heard about the new Bubsy game? The quick-talking bobcat has finally returned in 2017 for another venture into old-fashioned platform-style gaming, a mere 21 years after the failed 3D title that killed his franchise seemingly permanently. But perhaps the most interesting thing about Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back is that they finally added a slider labeled “verbosity”, which allows you to control how much that cat chats. For those curious, yes – you can finally shut him up. But who would want to?

Having the choice to adjust the verbosity of a character is a great idea – so why not apply it to other games? We’ve compiled a list of the top 8 games we think could have been made better if they had a verbosity slider!

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CHATTER: Stranger Things Season 4

Hey, Strange Things! As you all know, Season 3 has been out for a while now, and we’ve been hyped about all the twists and turns in its plot. But did you know they already finished recording Season 4? That’s right! And we have connections to an actor (we can’t tell you who, but she plays a major role, and she knows what all the buzz is about) who told us everything she could about the next season!

If you’re an 80s kid, Duffer family member, underpaid lawyer, or you just love Steve Harrington’s beautiful and luxurious hair more than you love him, there’s plenty of news here that will make your head turn upside down and blood fly out of your nose!

Are you as excited as we are? Hit the jump for twists, turns, robots, and raccoons!

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CHATTER: Happy Holidays from Eggware!

Xmas Sonic 01

Even though Christmas Day may be ending tonight, we here at Eggware are so dedicated to the holidays that we will be celebrating them for an indefinite amount of time. Though this is partially because the Christmas sale season made us busy with our side jobs, this is also because we wish to share a little extra cheer for those who may not be able to celebrate the holidays, whether because of being busy or because of difficult home situations.
We hope that for those who were not able to have a truly jolly Christmas, we will help them feel the spirit of the season long after the day itself has passed.

For the next month and maybe more, we’ll be reviewing old holiday specials, reviewing seasonal food, and generally celebrating the spirit of winter. Up here at Eggware HQ, the winter doesn’t end very soon, so we feel that the end of the holiday spirit in January is unnecessary and abrupt.

Here in the Eggware household, Sonic and Tails have been very naughty this holiday season and we will be punishing them appropriately by forcing them to pose in our Christmas photo shoots. We hope you enjoy their misery. (more…)