Wayback: Taco John’s

We’re all in agreement that 2020 sucks at this point, right? And it’s really not looking like 2021 is going to be any better. Aren’t you getting tired of this bullshit? Wouldn’t you like to go back?

Great news: there’s a magical website called the Wayback Machine where you can go almost anywhere you want, to almost any point in time where the internet existed. So as long as your fond memories aren’t from before the technological corruption of society, you have a chance to get away from this madness, even if just for a little bit.

Maybe unsurprisingly, I’ve been using the Machine a lot recently to escape the monotony of everyday horror. Today, I’d love to take you on a journey with me. This time I’m going to the website for the midwestern fast food chain Taco John’s, all the way back in 2004 – before online apps were a thing, and before competitor Taco Bell fucking betrayed all of us when we needed them the most.

Let’s go back… wayback!

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Mini Cheddars are ruining my life

Mini Cheddars. Mini Cheddars. Mini Cheddars. Mini Cheddars.

It means SOMETHING. It has to, right? It’s everywhere. It’s torturing me. My life was good before Mini Cheddars. (My life was actually really bad but I don’t care.) Maybe my life would be better without Mini Cheddars. Maybe it’s the one thing weighing me down, or maybe it was there, plotting even in my earliest days. How can I know I’ve never eaten a Mini Cheddar? “They’re British or something,” I hear you saying, “and you’ve lived in America your entire life.” I don’t care. Someone smuggled a Mini Cheddar on an international flight one day and decided to poison me.

That’s the only explanation.

Tons of people get commercial jingles stuck in their head. I don’t care. This is not that. This is nothing like that. This is way worse. I am being actively conspired against. These three commercials are all connected and I will show you how.

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Why do people hate the “poor baby monkeys”?

What drives seemingly ordinary, well-adjusted members of our society to partake in sadistic behavior?

That’s the common question I found myself wondering all over again when I discovered “MonkeyHateGate“. Deep in the bowels of YouTube is a community dedicated to a shared hatred of… baby monkeys.

Who are these people, and why do they hate baby monkeys? Seriously, they’re adorable. Right? Please don’t tell me you hate baby monkeys too. Uh oh. I hope we’re not going to have a problem here.

Yeah, at first glance, this whole thing sounded utterly laughable to me. I immediately concluded it must have been another dumb YouTube comment meme… I’m saying all this so that you don’t let your guard down. This article gets grim fast.

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TUTORIAL: Blender 2.8 – Vertex Colors

It would be a shorter list to say the things that Blender 2.8 didn’t change. All of these changes have been great for professional users, but they’ve certainly alienated Blender’s long-term hobbyist userbase. As an amateur professional, I’m hoping to help bridge that gap.

So I talked about how to make a shadeless material. But how do you apply vertex colors to that material?

Vertex colors, as the name implies, are RGB data that is stored in individual vertices. These days, vertex colors are treated as irrelevant, but they have a ton of uses if you’re willing to play with it. You can use them to make completely textureless models with basic flat colors, which is great if you don’t care much for mucking with UVs. Another thing you can do is use them for shading your textured model, which is a great way to keep the file size down on low-resolution textures.

Vertex colors are great for all kinds of retro and minimalist styles, and the data in them can easily be ported to game engines like Godot. Also, it’s just plain fun to mess with and will teach you more about the Shader Editor. So let’s go!

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TUTORIALS: Blender 2.8 – Shadeless Material

It would be a shorter list to say the things that Blender 2.8 didn’t change. All of these changes have been great for professional users, but they’ve certainly alienated Blender’s long-term hobbyist userbase. As an amateur professional, I’m hoping to help bridge that gap.

It’s a surprisingly popular question with a surprisingly complicated answer: how do you get a Shadeless material in Blender 2.8?

Shadeless materials accept no lighting information, meaning they will always be the same color in any lighting environment. They have tons of uses, especially for low-poly art and toon shaders. And they used to be so, so easy: as recently as Blender 2.79, you could achieve it with a single button press.

Obviously this wouldn’t even be an article if that button was still around. So how do you do it now?

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MINECRAFT: Wizard Tower

Ello Yewchewb and welcome back to my Minecraft build series!

Quite recently (as of the time of me writing this) Mojang has released their ‘snapshot’ preview builds for the upcoming 1.16 Nether Update, which is quite exciting, as they’re finally adding new biomes to the Nether! And boy, does it come with a lot of new blocks!

To keep things simple for you but challenging for me, I’m sticking to ‘one-chunk’ builds, which means they have to fit in a 16×16 square.

Today I’m making a wizard tower!

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