Introducing the Highly Fungible Token

NFTs are all the rage on the internet right now, with basically every single internet artist there is getting on board. Who can blame them? Like any good investment bubble, the prices are skyrocketing with major brands like Pizza Hut, Pringles, Charmin, Taco Bell, and even musician Aphex Twin joining the fun. There’s no downside, except for the massive amount of electrical power NFTs demand driving us further into global warming and people losing their money for what is basically a hyperlink on a blockchain. It’s time for us to get in on the trend, and make ourselves some money… but we’re not satisfied with mere NFTs.

We here at Eggware.XYZ are proud to introduce the next evolution of NFTs: HFTs. These Highly Fungible Tokens are a revolution in the crypto market due to their simple difference: these tokens are infinitely fungible. Allowing for fully democratized distribution, consistency in value, and easy-to-process validity checking, the HFT system can be implemented in almost any common file format and exchanged between users freely with virtually instantaneous transaction time on any common file exchange system.

Want to get on board? Just download our first official HFT below:

Just right click and hit “Save As”, and you’ve got the HFT on your system. Send it to your friends, and the magic of the Highly Fungible Token begins: your friends receive an identical HFT, while you keep your original one. The value of both the original token and the new token is the same – and this process can be repeated indefinitely. By multiplying the number of HFT tokens, you can have potentially unlimited value growth! And the best part is, you don’t even need a friend to make HFT duplications. Just make multiple copies of the HFT on your own hard drive, and watch the value grow. Make five hundred copies to increase your HFT wallet’s value five hundred times. Or a thousand. Or a million. The only limit is your hard drive space.

We hope you’ll share this new HFT technology with your friends, family, and loved ones across the globe.

102 Dalmatians: Puppies to the Rescue | Licensed Landfill

102 Dalmatians was an awful snoozer of a film, so how is the video game based on it so frickin’ fun? This might be one of the best Disney licensed games period. Maybe that’s just because it’s an obvious Spyro ripoff.

Comment with your favorite Disney licensed game for a chance to be featured on our first Viewer Mail article!

Roundup: 2020’s Most Foods

One of the fun little perks you get of being subscribed to us on Patreon is that you get free blog articles weeks in advance! Unfortunately, we blogged a lot last year due to not really having anything else to do, which means we’ve built up a sizable backlog of small articles that aren’t really worth wasting a whole calendar day to publish separately.

This marks the start of our roundup series, where we publicly premiere some of our articles that you may have missed. Please note: if you have not pledged to us on Patreon, these are new articles! Not just a bunch of rehashed content.

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Oopsie! Burger King did a misogyny!

For the sake of my fragile mental health during quarantine, I’ve started exclusively reading Twitter through their Tweetdeck app, which allows me to customize my experience to my enjoyment. I can choose not to see retweets, for one thing, and Tweetdeck doesn’t push people’s ‘likes’ onto my feed. I only use it to network with artists I enjoy, and occasionally retweet the stray meme. My exposure to the woes of the cursed blue website is mercifully minimal. If you want to live like me, I strongly recommend this plan of action: log into Tweetdeck, uninstall the app from your phone, read Ed Zitron’s article on how to enjoy Twitter, and follow all your Twitter mutuals on non-Twitter sites.

It’s because of my strict no-Twitter-angst diet that I managed to miss out on the website’s latest stunningly atrocious fast food PR scandal until just today. So you guys are probably rolling your eyes – gee, look at this chump writing an article 3 days late! But my tardiness is because I take care of myself first, and you should too. If I were to expose myself to every horrible thing going on in the world right now, I would almost certainly instantly take 20d6 poison damage and die.

It’s for these reasons that I sincerely advise not reading this article unless you’re in a good enough place mentally and you really want to see my take on it. I don’t have anything to gain from stressing you out pointlessly, and neither do you, and also I really don’t want to be giving Burger King any more free advertising than they’re already getting right now.

If you feel like you have to know, you don’t. It’s not that funny and it’s absolutely not worth it. Here, I’ll sum it up for you: Burger King said a stupid out-of-context thing about women while they were trying to say something positive, and it was probably on purpose to stir up social media drama. There you go! Now go do something else. Go play some Wobbledogs or whatever the hell it is you like to do these days.

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101 Dalmatians: Escape from DeVil Manor is too scary for puppies | Crunchmaster 98

Lurking deep within the Disney Vault is one of their more bizarre decisions in the gaming industry. Why did they make a survival horror point-and-click game, and why for 101 Dalmatians of all things? Eh, who cares, it’s really fun.